Good morning, everyone! I like to think think of this weekly feature as a public service to all First Draft readers - no matter how crappy a job you have (If indeed you still have one), or how awful your Monday is, it couldn't possibly be as bad as being a GOP kool-aid drinker in this fall of 2008.
Suit up and follow me inside - there's rocks to kick over and schadenfreude by the metric ton to bag up!
You know, if these assholes hadn't driven our country into the ditch, I might feel sorry for them.
But they did, so I don't.
I wrote this a few months ago about Iraq, but it fits everything else they have every tried to do, so - before the Freeper Madness, an original musing:
I borrowed your car....
You know, the one you trusted me to drive?
Well, a funny thing happened - I drove it into the lake.
I didn’t know the water was as deep as it was, you see.
It’s not my fault.
Really.
And now you want me to get it out?
Quit carping at me. It’s in the water up to the windows now, and what’s done is done. I can’t undrive it into the lake, you know.
You’re being counter-productive.
So anyway, here’s what I’m proposing.
The motor’s still running, albeit a bit roughly, so I’m going to drive it further into the lake.
Certainly the water out there is shallower, as all my lake advisers insist.
What? Of course they’re the same people who told me it would be a great idea to drive your car into the lake. They are, after all, the experts.
Anyway - if I drive the car far enough forward, I’m bound to get to the other side of the lake eventually. It just stands to reason.
If I let you drive it back out of the lake, it’s a defeatist approach.
I know it’s your car, not mine, and that it’s already badly damaged - but it’s a small price to pay to realize my dream of driving your car across the lake.
Besides - if we pull it out now, the lake wins.
Ok - enough of that. Let's go to Freeperville!
First up - "Why doesn't the MSM cover all the irrefutable info about Obama being a space alien????"
"Oh, FOX! Oh Drudge!! Why hast thou forsaken us???"
What's up With Drudge and Fox???
Posted on Wednesday, October 22, 2008 8:43:25 AM by FloridaBattleGround
Drudge is usually pretty good about stating the news correctly... he broke the Monical Lewinsky scandal and has been the first to report many stories. Why hasn't Drudge of Fox reported anything about:
-Obama's birth certificate -Obama's Kenyan connection
We have bombarded the media with requests to get to the bottom of these two HUGE issues. But no one wants to touch it. I can comfirm that I have talked to Steve Doocy from Fox News in person when he was here on his book tour. He knew about these stories. But he hasn't reported on them yet. And I have sent numerous emails to Drudge and Fox. At least they should tell us the truth about these stories. If they are nothing, then they need to investigate and find out they are nothing.
For crying out loud, they are investigating some very personal things about Sarah Palin. This is straight ridiculous.
I'm sure your "numerous emails" to Drudge and Fox will bear fruit.Or something.
To: FloridaBattleGroundI sent Drudge about 10 times yesterday the UIC web page from 2002 that showed Obama and Ayers on the same panel together with four other left-wing radicals. Crickets...2 posted on Wednesday, October 22, 2008 8:45:10 AM by cdga5for4To: FloridaBattleGroundI know! It is quite odd. Why don’t they report that Obama hasn’t been able to produce a valid birth certificate? I saw an analysis that was saying that Obama’s Hawaii “birth certificate” is fake. If Obama was (and I think he was, in my opinion) born in Kenya or Indonesia, then he would be immediately disqualified from running for president.6 posted on Wednesday, October 22, 2008 8:46:41 AM by wk4bush2004 (Let the sound of intercession meet Your ears......)
And of course, there's always gotta be a killjoy:
To: FloridaBattleGroundWhy haven’t they reported it? Because the birth certificate story makes conservatives look like conspiracy-theory touting morons. That’s why.
In cammie, veritas.
And now - the Rasmussen poll that Freepers used to swear by, and now simply swear AT:
ZOgbyMG!!!!
Rasmussen: O-51%, M-45% (Obama +2)
Rasmussen ^ | 10/22 | Rasmussen
Posted on Wednesday, October 22, 2008 8:32:21 AM by tatown
The Rasmussen Reports daily Presidential Tracking Poll for Wednesday shows Barack Obama attracting 51% of the vote while John McCain earns 45%. Obama has now enjoyed a modest lead every day for nearly a month.
It is difficult to overstate the stability of this campaign ever since the events on Wall Street brought a new wave of economic anxiety to the fore. Just before Lehman Brothers collapsed and started the Wall Street debacle, McCain held a very slight lead in the polls. Immediately afterwards, the race became more of a referendum on the Bush Administration and Obama moved ahead. The stability of Obama’s advantage in recent weeks suggests that it will be difficult for McCain to change the dynamic before the results are finally set in stone.
For the past eleven days, Obama has been at the 50% or 51% level of support every day in the Rasmussen Reports daily Presidential Tracking Poll. During those same eleven days, McCain has been at 45% or 46% every day and the gap between the candidates has stayed between four and six percentage points.We are certainly heading in the wrong direction....
The master of the bleeding obvious is greeted thus:
To: tatownYou need a different hobby pal
And now, get ready to throw up in your mouths a little:
To: ScottinVAWell I can tell you after a lunch with our CEO(A staunch Pubbie)he indicated with an Obama win, pink slips will be going out to “Non Key” employees in anticipation of tax increases. I took that to mean ...um Obama supporters on our staff...hehe. So celebreate on the unemployment line!
What a great guy he is! Not only is he firing people based on their politics, he's preemptively firing people based on his psychic powers that his taxes will go up if he doesn't. And then he will blame Dems for using emotion rather than facts to make decisions.
Hopefully, he'll be "celebreate"ing the demise of his company shortly thereafter, forcing his GOP stalwarts to get jobs that don't involve fucking pigs. Hehe.
And lastly, for the "there should be age limits to voting" eugenicists in the flock:
To: ParadoxI was at a library yesterday where they were doing one stop voting. These college aged punks were wheeling in old people in chairs and beds. I walked by and said “Bring out your dead for Obama.”
I will vote straight ticket, but I’m afraid this race is over.
The nerve of those old people!!! Just because they made it through the last three financial horrors the Repubs engineered doesn't give then a right to actually do something about this one!
And next - "Champagne kisses and caviar wet dreams!
OBAMA'S FANCY SNACK
NY Post ^ | October 17, 2008 --
Posted on Friday, October 17, 2008 6:43:21 AM by COUNTrecount
THOUGH he's battling GOP accusations that he's an Ivy League elitist, Barack Obama has a lifestyle of the rich and famous,(clip)While he was at a meeting at the Waldorf-Astoria at 4 p.m. Wednesday, Michelle Obama called room service and ordered lobster hors d'oeuvres, two whole steamed lobsters, Iranian caviar and champagne,(clip)(Excerpt) Read more at nypost.com ...
Knees jerking all over the place after the jump, so let's have a look-see!!
To: COUNTrecountI always have lobster and cavier and champagne snacks. Doesn’t everyone? (sarc)
Apparently, she has more than you.
To: Scotswifeyup, poor obama. striking contrast to mccain. on the bloggette they show the mccains entertaining, no lobster or iranian caviar. nope, they had BBQ, cooked and served by mccain, corn on the cob, salad and wine. sounds more like my kind of dinner! fox nailed him to a tee. seems the truth hurts “the one.”
Three pages of outraged posts later.....
To: PennsylvaniaMom"There is no way that the Waldorf would not have treated the Obama order with the utmost privacy and professionalism ... So who leaked this? ... Why 0bama." You were right about the first part. Looks like it wasn't Obama though, the link's been pulled from the NYP. Click on it again, and you'll see "article not found!"168 posted on Saturday, October 18, 2008 1:13:18 AM by oprahstheantichrist (The MSM is a demonic stronghold, PLEASE pray accordingly. 2 Cor. 10:3-5)
Whoops - ee!
Minn.'s Bachmann: `I made a big mistake' (folded like a pantsuit Alert)
KARE 11 ^ | 10/21/08 | staff
Posted on Tuesday, October 21, 2008 4:31:57 PM by pissant
ST. PAUL, Minn. -- Republican Rep. Michele Bachmann says she regrets using the term "anti-American" while discussing Barack Obama's views.
Bachmann told the St. Cloud Times on Tuesday that she "made a big mistake" by going on MSNBC's "Hardball" on Friday.
Her statement that Obama "may have anti-American views" drew condemnation and helped her opponent, Democrat Elwyn Tinklenberg, raise more than $1 million in just a few days.
Bachmann says she walked into a trap and did not bring up the term "anti-American." She says she does not believe that Obama is anti-American or that members of Congress should be investigated for their views on America. She says, "I deeply regret it because that is not what I meant."
As you can imagine, they're torn between wanting to think this kind of rhetoric sways people, and wanting to think that if you're batshit-crazy enough, people will call it courage:
Apparently not.Dammit, what a HUGE blunder on her part. Has the GOP learned NOTHING from the Macaca incident and the dozens of others like it.
Yep - it's not rhetoric - this is actually how these morons think. Fortunately for everyone else, this self delusion has extended to not trusting polls, believing Drudge Report, and thinking "macaca" was a cool thing to call someone. Never - EVER believe your own press releases.NEVER grovel in apology to your enemies. Michelle, I love you dearly, but you should have listened to me.
Now they smell blood, and the pile on is going to be 10 times as ferocious as the initial whining and moaning.
Michelle, you were CORRECT on hardball. Obama is ANTI-AMERICAN. And so are a bunch of marxists sitting in the House and Senate, and hell yes, a responsible media should expose their vile anti-Americanism.
Grrrrrrrrr.
Occasionally a bit of self-preservation seeps through the self-delusion like puke through a cleaning cloth:
Fortunately, it passes quickly:To: pissantThe “big mistake” wasn’t saying it, it was denying that she’d said it. Hasn’t she ever heard of “video recordings”?
When pigs fly, pissant, when pigs fly. The web pwns you like a cop with a dashcam on a Saturday night.To: pissantas conservatives, we need a stronger web movement to prevented the liberal kid mafia steamrolling through her with all the smears......soon we will take the web back. I promise you that.
And now, in the "I just came in my pants" department:
And afterward - a cigarette. Was it sticky for you, too?I JUST MET SARAH PALIN
Raybob | 10/24/08 | Raybob
Posted on Friday, October 24, 2008 9:58:04 AM by RayBob
I just got back from an invitation only event with Governor Palin in Pittsburgh, PA this morning. She was announcing the McCain Palin pollicy regarding special needs kids. They will fully fund the federal mandates of IDEA and work to improve programs for special needs kids.
I got to meet her and shake her hand.
(...)
What I saw was genuine. It wasn't political glad handing. I pulled my client (the director of a local Autism organization) to the front and got Governor Palin's attention so they could meet. She spoke with my client for a few minutes and gave her a hug, thanking her for her work for autistic kids. My client was still shaking when I left.
Apparently.To: RayBobWas she hot?
;)
This is what passes for judgment among the Freeperati. No wonder they're getting their asses handed to them!
And now (drumroll, please):
Fox: Al Qaeda-Linked Web Site Backs McCain
Fox News ^
Posted on Wednesday, October 22, 2008 1:23:44 PM by Butterfickle
Terror group supporters seek 'big operation' against U.S. to 'push Americans deliberately to vote for McCain' WASHINGTON -- Al Qaeda supporters suggested in a Web site message this week they would welcome a pre-election terror attack on the U.S. as a way to usher in a McCain presidency.
"impetuous" Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain is the better choice because he is more likely to continue the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. "This requires presence of an impetuous American leader such as McCain, who pledged to continue the war till the last American soldier," the message said. "Then, Al Qaeda will have to support McCain in the coming elections so that he continues the failing march of his predecessor, Bush." SITE Intelligence Group, based in Bethesda, Maryland, monitors the Web site and translated the message.
THE MAN, BARACK
All right — where is the Al-Qaeda endorsement? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and the people vote, and we find out who is right and who is dead.MCCAINZINI
But it’s so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of Al-Qaeda. Are they the sort of terrorists who would give a poison endorsement to their own preferred candidate, or their enemy’s?[He studies THE MAN, BARACK now.]
MCCAINZINI
Now, a clever terrorist would give the endorsement to his own candidate, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I’m not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the endorsement in front of you. But al-Qaeda must have known I was not a great fool; they would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the endorsement in front of me.THE MAN, BARACK [with a trace of nervousness]
You’ve made your decision then?MCCAINZINI
Not remotely. Because endorsements come from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me. So I can clearly not choose the endorsement in front of you.THE MAN, BARACK
Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.MCCAINZINI
Wait till I get going! Where was I?THE MAN, BARACK
Australia.MCCAINZINI
Yes — Australia, and you must have suspected I would have known the endorsement’s origin, so I can clearly not choose the endorsement in front of me.THE MAN, BARACK [very nervous]
You’re just stalling now.MCCAINZINI [cackling]
You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you?[stares at THE MAN, BARACK]
You’ve beaten my Plumber, which means you’re exceptionally un-retarded. So, al-Qaeda could have given the poison endorsement to your candidacy, trusting on your lack of retardation to save you. So I can clearly not choose the endorsement in front of you. But you’ve also bested my Alaskan, which means you must have studied past the third grade. And in studying, you must have learned that man is mortal, so al-Qaeda would have put the poison endorsement as far from your candidacy as possible, so I can clearly not choose the endorsement in front of me.
[As MCCAINZINI's pleasure has been growing throughout, THE MAN, BARACK's has been fast disappearing.]
THE MAN, BARACK
You’re trying to trick me into giving away something — it won’t work –MCCAINZINI [triumphant]
It has worked — you’ve given everything away — I know where the endorsement is!THE MAN, BARACK [with fool's courage]
Then make your choice.MCCAINZINI
I will. And I choose –[And suddenly he stops, points at something behind THE MAN, BARACK.]
MCCAINZINI
What in the world can that be?CUT TO:
[THE MAN, BARACK, turning around, looking.]
THE MAN, BARACK
What? Where? I don’t see anything.CUT TO:
[MCCAINZINI, busily switching the endorsements while THE MAN, BARACK has his head turned.]
MCCAINZINI
Oh, well, I-I could have sworn I saw something. No matter.[THE MAN, BARACK turns to face him again. MCCAINZINI starts to laugh.]
THE MAN, BARACK
What’s so funny?MCCAINZINI
I’ll tell you in a minute. First, let’s read — me from my endorsement, and you from yours.[He picks up his endorsement. THE MAN, BARACK picks up the one in front of him. As they both start to read, MCCAINZINI hesitates a moment. Then, allowing THE MAN, BARACK to go first, he reads his endorsement.]
THE MAN, BARACK
You guessed wrong.MCCAINZINI [roaring with laughter]
You only think I guessed wrong –[laughing louder now]
– that’s what’s so funny! I switched endorsements when your back was turned. You fool!
CUT TO:
[THE MAN, BARACK has nothing he can say. He just sits there.]
CUT TO:
[MCCAINZINI, watching him.]
MCCAINZINI
You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is, ‘Never get involved in a land war in Iraq.’ But only slightly less well known is this: ‘Never go in against a Republican when power is on the line!’[He laughs and roars and cackles and whoops and is in all ways quite cheery until his campaign falls over dead.]
[THE MAN, BARACK, steps past the corpse, taking the blindfold and bindings off AMERICUP, who notices MCCAINZINI lying dead. THE MAN, BARACK pulls her to her feet.]
AMERICUP
Who are you?THE MAN, BARACK
I am no one to be trifled with, that is all you ever need know.[He starts to lead her off the mountain path into untraveled terrain.]
AMERICUP [a final glance back toward MCCAINZINI]
To think — all that time it was your endorsement that was poisoned.THE MAN, BARACK
They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to Republican bullshit.
Of course, none of their tortured "THEY'RE USING REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY!" jive applies when, say, Obama is endorsed by world leaders looking for an end of the last eight years' insanity.
That's different, you see.
OOOH ! ME! ME! (waves hand wildly)To: ButterfickleWhy is FOX even reporting this cr@p????
Because it happened.
Next up - It's all Drudge's fault!!
"CRAP! If only she had actually been attacked, raped, and disfigured! I never get to have any fun!!"ATTACKED GIRL ADMITS IT WAS A HOAX!
http://kdka.com/KDKA ^
Posted on Friday, October 24, 2008 12:39:43 PM by icwhatudo
A Pittsburgh police commander says a volunteer for the McCain campaign who reported being robbed and attacked near a bank ATM in Bloomfield has confessed to making up the story. Police say charges will be filed. More details to follow.
To: icwhatudoHeadline: Dumb B!tch Screws McCain Campaign
You see - if you were assaulted by a black Obama supporter, you're "that poor girl".To: bolobaby“Headline: Dumb B!tch Screws McCain Campaign”
She must work for the Obama campaign. Seriously, that girl needs help and fast.
If you weren't assaulted by a black Obama supporter, you're "that dumb bitch".
I'm terribly sorry. That should have read "If you weren't assaulted by a black Obama supporter, you're 'that stupid bitch' ".To: icwhatudoThat’s just fabulous.
Stupid bitch.
Me - I'm sending Drudge flowers. And a wreath to go with them.To: icwhatudoShe’s a sick girl- she has my sympathy. Drudge is the one who should have known better- he dragged us into this with his blood red headline about the “mutiliation” of a “20 year old woman.” Of course that will get our outrage going. Anyone who purports to be part of the media should at least make the basic inquiries into the facts before blaring a headline. Without Drudge this is just a minor story.
Having said that, McCain and Palin handled this just right, so I don’t see this damaging them. Drudge is another matter, though- now it will be harder for us to run Rev. Wright ads because everyone will scream “oh look, the nasty Republicans are appealing to racism again.” Thanks for nothing, Drudge.
And now, from the From the "desperate for good news" department:
First there's about a page of this:IBD/TIPP Tracking: 0-45.8%, M-42.3%
IBD/TIPP ^ | 10/24/08 | IBD/TIPP
Posted on Friday, October 24, 2008 2:22:29 PM by tatown
Edited on Friday, October 24, 2008 2:27:33 PM by Admin Moderator. [history]
0-45.8%
M-42.3%
Undecided-11.9%
To: tatownI need a dancing McCain/dancing Palin animated Gif.
Somebody - PLEASE! LOL!
To: tatownHuzzah!3 posted on Friday, October 24, 2008 2:23:15 PM by rom (Keep Senator Government from Spreading YOUR Wealth! McCain/Palin '08!)
To: tatownIf there 11 pct undecided odumbo is toast4 posted on Friday, October 24, 2008 2:23:30 PM by italianquaker (Fake polls do not equal real votes(as one freeper put it))
To: tatownAs the oversampling becomes evident the Fauxbama collapse becomes known...
To: tatownWell, lookie here! Go MCCAIN/PALIN GO!6 posted on Friday, October 24, 2008 2:23:55 PM by teletech (Friends don't let friends vote DemocRAT)
To: tatownMeltdown Time!!!!!
To: romawesome. But get everyone you know to the polls.
To: tatownAwesome! Larry Kudlow loves this pollster. He’ll no doubt be happy about this.
To: tatownyou reversed the numbers
To: careybNumbers are reversed. Poll actually shows a three-point Obama lead.To: tatownWait, is that right? Do you have McCain and Obama reversed?12 posted on Friday, October 24, 2008 2:24:51 PM by rom (Keep Senator Government from Spreading YOUR Wealth! McCain/Palin '08!)To: tatownUm, don’t you have the numbers reversed?
Well, since the smoke from all the exploding cigars the Freepers keep lighting is beginning to overwhelm the respirators, let's do a head-count and head back for the airlock.
Interrobang, BuggyQ, Elspeth, Missy, Jude, mdh, pansypoo, left rev, Doc, scout, Adrastos.....
Wait a minute - I checked out a dozen iso suits - someone's missing.
Someone's missing!!! Jumpin Jeebus, everybody look around! GODAMNIT, YOU NEVER LEAVE A MAN BEHIND!!! Everyone dig around in the Freeper ooze, and I'll just run around in circles making squawking noises! I.......
Ok.
Virgotex, you've got about one second to explain what you were doing over in the Great Orange Satan emergency tunnel.
Tidying up?
Really?
Well, you won't mind if I have a look in there, will you?
(clunk)
My god.
It's full of teeth.
Kuru is the only hope some of these folks have for self improvement now.
That low echoing sound they hear is the crumbs of their cerebellums shifting around whenever they twitch uncontrolably.
Posted by: left rev | October 27, 2008 at 06:49
The extra-special Freepi make Sven Hoek* look like the Grand Poohbah of Mensa... The stupidity pains me. The blind following...rabid attachment - these folks need serious psychotherapy to resolve their "lack of love from a parent" issues.
Jeepers Freepers!!!
Great job yet again Tommy T!!! I will have the bunny suit from the foray into Freeperville Sanforized and returned to the locker tout de suite!
;)
Elspeth
Posted by: Elspeth Ravenwind | October 27, 2008 at 08:04
whoops!
* = extra points for knowing Sven Hoek...anyone? anyone???
;) Elspeth
Posted by: Elspeth Ravenwind | October 27, 2008 at 08:04
Elspeth -- "Don't Whiz On The Electric Fence!" Yeah, I remember Sven. :)
Lordie, we've got to find a way to harness Freepi mind power for good. They can apparently contain an infinite number of conflicting alternate realities in their little brainpans, and make them all be true at the same time.
Posted by: filkertom | October 27, 2008 at 08:20
Ding ding ding!!! :) Filkertom FTW! :)
Freepi mind power is strong on stupidity but terribly dangerous for the environment. And there's nowhere to store the waste until it decomps.
;) Elspeth
Posted by: Elspeth Ravenwind | October 27, 2008 at 08:42
Save my horse!
Posted by: joejoejoe | October 27, 2008 at 12:34
They can apparently contain an infinite number of conflicting alternate realities in their little brainpans
My god, they're all running Microsoft Virtual Server -- Freepers must be kind of like my test environment, but slower and dumber. No wonder they have such trouble interfacing with reality. I'm a software tester, but I am not volunteering to file bug reports on their heads, sorry.
And lookee in the post! I'm faaaamous! Ha! :)
Posted by: Interrobang | October 27, 2008 at 12:43
i think the freepi have to pay a special bush tax.
Posted by: pansypoo | October 27, 2008 at 12:46
joejoejoe - "Save my walrus!" :)
(I still have my toy Stimpy that has the pull-out hairball that makes him say things! :) )
Elspeth
Posted by: Elspeth Ravenwind | October 27, 2008 at 13:11
"No sir, I don't like it!" Ahhhh, Mr. Horse!
LOL!
Elspeth
Posted by: Elspeth Ravenwind | October 27, 2008 at 13:11
Guys - this is getting both harder and weirder, I don't mind telling ya. As their world collapses around them and their "Permanent Republican Majority" goes the way of an ice sculpture the morning after the wedding, they're getting stranger and stranger. They've largely discardrd the code words, and it's every Freeper for himself. And bear in mind, I'm not sampling any more than the first page on any of these threads - some of them go on for page after page.
Also, where I used to email myself three or four threads a week, now, it's 12+. It's as if they're hurrying to get all the stupidity unleashed before the Gotterdamerung. I'll be glad when it's down to the usual whining and complaining again, because these guys are starting to make *me* crazy.
Posted by: Tommy T | October 27, 2008 at 15:02
actually, that's REN hoek of ren and stimpy fame.
thanks for the reminder. i'm going to relax in front of the tv tonight and watch my dvd of the first two seasons when john K was running the show.
yay ren! yay stimpy!
Posted by: karen marie | October 27, 2008 at 16:13
karen marie -- um, actually, it is Sven Hoek. Ren's cousin. Season 2, Episode 4. :)
Posted by: filkertom | October 27, 2008 at 19:53