First Draft

I'm Barack Obama and I Approve of Guam

I still like that they have to campaign everywhere. That hasn't stopped being good just because their supporters are getting pissy with each other and doing stupid shit.

A.

Anniversary

A, I'll see your shark and raise you one USS Helena

Today marks the ninth year since I left active duty.  Funny.  Doesn't seem that long.

I guess time flies when you're an America-hating, traitorous, godless, al-Qaeda-loving, communist liberal.

I think I'll do something fun to celebrate today.

Saturday Blogwhoring Thread

Post away.

A.

I've Walked and I've Crawled on Six Crooked Highways: Galactica Thread

Jacob:

If absolution waits quietly at the door until it's opened, if salvation waits for the least and smallest among us all, then in a very real way we are all waiting for this moment: when Gaius Baltar realizes he was already redeemed.

"He loves you because you are perfect. You are perfect just as you are. We are all perfect just as we are."

And as Lee leaves, weirded out, and Gaius holds his arms cruciform, and the followers go apeshit, and Six looks over at Tory's face, and sees the beauty there, and smiles, because she's won, and Gaius comes back from the edge, from the clarity of pain, he looks down, covered in blood and the fire of a new world, and wonders what just happened, as prophets often do, and the screen goes dark again.

I have problems with this, which we'll get into, once we get past the spoilers, robots and rules of engagement below.

Your President Speaks!

Today, in Maryland Heights, Missouri.

In Other Words...

Today there was another report out that showed that we lost 20,000 jobs last month, even though the unemployment rate dropped to 5 percent. In other words, the unemployment rate went down.

There Is Two Aspects

There's two aspects to that package I want to spend some time talking about; one of them is, is that you're going to get some money.

Energy Prices And Food Price

Thirdly, it turns out that this money is going to be very helpful in helping people deal with high energy prices and food price.

The Check Form

They started hitting last Monday, and Secretary of the Treasury Paulson is on top of this, and so you'll start seeing -- if you're not -- if you didn't get your money electronically, you're going to start seeing it come in the check form.

What You Got To Make Sure

And therefore, you got to make sure you sign up for the program in order to get the money.

Brainwreck

In other words, there's a -- you can effect the tax code that provides incentives for the CEOs to say, I think we need -- we ought to buy some equipment.

Inject Life

The point I'm trying to tell you is, is that we worked well with Congress and that the effects of a robust attempt to inject life hasn't really kicked in yet.

The "Third Hand" Joke Again

And I'm -- if you believe these economists, if they had three hands they'd say, on the one hand, on the other hand, and then on the third hand.

Hard Paying Jobs

And I want to thank the folks at World Wide for being a part of the leading edge of optimism here in America; a leading edge in making sure that people can find good, hard -- paying jobs.

When Was He In Congress?

When I first got to the Congress, I suggested that we have a comprehensive energy policy: one that recognizes the short-term effects of being reliant upon foreign oil; one that says we can use new technologies that will enable us to power our automobiles in different kinds of ways, using ethanol, for example, or battery technology; and one, ultimately, that will allow hydrogen to power the car.

What Hydrogen-Powered Means

Hydrogen -- we're doing a lot of research on your behalf to have hydrogen-powered automobiles, which means you're running on hydrogen, the waste product of which is water.

Where There Is Good Reserves

They would recognize that we can drill for oil and gas in environmentally friendly ways here in the United States, where there is good reserves; and they would build refineries.

There Is Constricted Supplies

No wonder there's constricted supplies.

What You Got To Do

If you want more of something, in this case you got to build the additional manufacturing capability.

We Don't Allow Us

My attitude is, I understand the pain, but I also understand if we don't allow us to explore in environmentally friendly ways for oil and gas reserves in the United States of America, we'll remain dependent in the short-term on foreign oil.

The Key To The Housing Market Explained

The key to the housing market is for the market to adjust -- you know, built too many houses.

What We Got To Work Through

We just got to work through the system.

There Is Things

But there's things government should and can do that is responsible -- mainly, is to help credit-worthy people stay in their home.

The Old Days

And here's the dilemma: If you got a -- bought yourself a mortgage, in the old days the originator of your mortgage, like a savings and loan, was somebody that you could go and talk in the office, say, listen, man, I got a little bit of a problem, I'm in a bind, I need a little help on my interest payment; or, can you extend my note out a little bit.

There Is Proposals

I know there's all kinds of proposals coming out of Congress.

Got Them A Mortgage

What I'm very concerned about is somebody went out and got them a mortgage, and the person that sold them the mortgage said, boy, this is a good, low interest rate for you.

Get On The Paper

These resets, as you know, you buy a low interest rate and you get on the paper, and then by a couple of years later, all of a sudden the interest rate booms up.

Going On The Full Story

And what I'm really concerned about is fraudulent tactics that didn't tell people that didn't really quite understand what was going on the full story.

Who Are These People?

A lot of people who say, trade is bad for our country. We shouldn't be a nation that opens up markets -- that's what they're saying.

A Tarrif Defined

Most goods coming here come in duty-free; most goods produced in the United States, or services like yours, pay a tariff. That means a tax; it's more expensive. It's harder to get into the market because what you charge is upped by tax.

What's Called FARC

There's a President of Colombia named Uribe, and he's got a tough situation down there because he's dealing with what's called FARC, which is an extremist group that uses drug dollars to perpetuate violence and to move their products -- mainly to here.

There Is Two Paths

In essence, there's two paths.

Those Damn Fancy Words Again

But you ought to be able to do it across jurisdictional boundaries. That's fancy words for, if you're a restaurant in Missouri, you ought to be able to put your employees in a risk pool with a restaurant in Texas.

Affordable Product

The larger the risk pool -- in other words, the more people involved in the insurance -- the less price goes up, the easier it is for somebody to find affordable product.

What We Got

We got a robust Medicare system -- which, by the way, my administration reformed for the first time since Lyndon Johnson, substantially reformed it since Lyndon Johnson was the President.

What Somebody You're Paying Has Got

It's nice to know if you're a consumer, isn't it, whether or not you got a -- whether or not somebody you're thinking about paying has got a good record.

There Is Errors

And that means oftentimes there's medical errors because the files get lost. Doctors can't write very clearly anyway.  And so you -- something gets illegible.

The Whole Medical Records

And all they did was take their chip and they plugged it into the computers in Houston, and the whole medical records was available.

Not Only It's Good

That's -- not only it's good for the customer, the patient, but what I'm telling you is it'll help wring out the inefficiencies in the system.

Getting Sued

And if you're an attorney, I don't mean to be stepping on your toe; everybody needs a good attorney, you know -- particularly me, since I'm getting sued all the time. But it's a -- I think I am.

War Pwesident

And I never thought I would be a war President; never wanted to be a war President. Didn't campaign in 2000 saying, I'm going to be a war President.

There Must Be

There must be some in the country who don't believe that the enemy is a threat.

The Soviet

The Cold War, a big standoff between the Soviet and the United States.

There Is No Rules

There's no rules with these people.

People That Burry

If you're facing people that burry [sic] in failed states you've got to understand how to find them.

A Dirty Number

The way I put it, just so people can understand in plain English: If al Qaeda is making a phone call into the United States of America, we better know why; if you're interested in protecting an attack, and there's a dirty number being called, the government of the United States better understand the intentions and why that phone call is being made.

Disenfranchising It

They're not going to let it vote.

Democrat Counterpart

They passed it out of the Senate -- Kit did a really good job of working with his Democrat counterpart -- and they buried that bill in the House of Representatives.

You're A Bunch Of Thugs

We just shouldn't be extending the same liberties to you, to a bunch of thugs that want to murder the American people.

Rebellion In The Cerebellum

Second aspect -- so in other words, give our professionals tools.

What We Got

We got a lot of really good people working.

Safe Haven Defined

You hear a lot of discussion about safe haven. Well, safe haven means that these non-state actors are able to find breathing space to be able to plot.

Those Damn Kids

And they're sophisticated -- you know, 19 kids on three airplanes -- it's a sophisticated operation -- four airplanes, excuse me.

Synaptic Stutter

You probably read your newspaper today -- I can understand if you didn't, but you probably -- well, anyway, there was a strike in Somalia, and the headline says "al Qaeda operative."

Medulla Ohmigoddah

Finally -- and by the way, Afghanistan was denial of the safe haven, and -- as well as I saw an existential threat, as did most of Congress, in Saddam Hussein.

What You Got To Understand

And so when you see hopelessness as an American President, you got to understand that the only way these thugs can recruit is when they find hopeless people.

What You're Watching Is You're Watching

And so it's -- so what you're watching is you're watching democracy unfold.

Something Happened

What happened between 41 -- that's what they call the old man, 41; I'm the 43rd President, 43 -- something happened.

A Interesting Debate

You know, it's a very interesting debate that's taking place.

There Is Two Aspects

There's two aspects of rising food prices; one, how it affects our own citizens.

What We Got

We don't have a scarcity issue in America, interestingly enough; we got a price issue.

He's Flammable

As you know, I'm a ethanol person.

There Is Good Days

You know, obviously, there's some good days and some bad days.

His Buddies Are Difficult?

I feel so strongly about my principles and my values and I'm an optimistic guy; that what may appear to be really difficult to deal with -- like my buddies from Midland, Texas -- that for me it's just part of the job.

Patterns Himself After Ceausescu

Now, the interesting thing from my perspective was that I was here, and there was a balcony lit in the town square, and I was told this was where the tyrant Ceausescu and his wife had made their last public appearance. And the story has it that he -- somebody started chanting, "Liar," and he realized his power was slipping away, and then he tried to get out of there, and anyway, he was done in by the people. They were tired of him; he was a brutal guy.

Is, Is

The good news is, is that we anticipated this.

There's two aspects to that package I want to spend some time talking about; one of them is, is that you're going to get some money.

The point I'm trying to tell you is, is that we worked well with Congress and that the effects of a robust attempt to inject life hasn't really kicked in yet.

The question is, is it available and is it affordable?

The other thing is, is that it's portable.

The other thing is, is that one of the real cost-drivers -- or two other cost-drivers I want to discuss -- so in other words, consumerism helps deal with cost.

You see, what's happened is, is that these phone companies which have allegedly helped the United States monitor conversations are now being sued for billions of dollars of lawsuits.

Friday Ferretblogging: Riot Unpacks

He's so helpful.

A.

Race Card

Obligatory disclaimer about being the whitest white girl in the history of whiteness goes here.

Shark-Fu on the race card:

When I call a person out for an ig’nant race-baiting comment that action is not 'playing the race card'…it’s calling a person out for an ig’nant race-baiting comment.

If that person is uncomfortable with that shit a bitch suggests that they get in touch with their inner asshole, because this bitch has had enough of motherfuckers whining and keening about that mythical race card every time they get corrected for deliberate verbal malfunctions designed to rouse prejudices they themselves have spent a lifetime concealing behind a mask of tolerance.

My race is not a card to be played anymore than claiming someone played the race card on you is a defense for dismissing a candidate’s political success as a product of their race.

I am not a player of the race card.

I am the wage that should be equal…the privacy that ought to be honored…the violence that will not be tolerated…the hair you’d better not touch…the reality that debunks the stereotype…the fierceness that keeps ig’nant motherfuckers awake at night…the anger that will not be ignored and the worthiness that will not be denied.

Her point struck me because this has been an election season dedicated to dismissing voters' motivations, all over the map. White people voted for Clinton because she was white, and therefore her votes didn't really count unless she could get them from black voters. Women voted for Clinton because the Hive Vagina told them to, and therefore she needed more men. Black voters were drawn to Obama because they held up pictures and looked in the mirror and said, "Hey, we match!" Obama could only draw the college-educated and those votes didn't really count, anyway, because who else could they be expected to vote for?

Hell, evangelicals voted for Huckabee because he had them under his Jesus Spell, and unless he could attract atheists or something, his votes didn't matter. John McCain needed more conservatives, because his casual Republican votes wouldn't do it for him in the general, he needed the base.

One after another, all of us were wrong, all of us were silly, all of us were superficial. None of us were sincere in anything. And so whatever our reasons, whatever our grievances or complaints, we could be dismissed, like children, on the basis of our race or sex or religion, until we started to wonder who did count, in the end. And the race card, like the "lifestyle" characterization (another one I love, like, you have a life and my friends have a lifestyle, fuck you, you patronizing kitchen appliance), is just one more way of making somebody else small, making their concerns worth less, making whatever it is they're saying illegitimate and silly and opportunistic and wrong.

A.

A Positive Note

To borrow a phrase: How about that?

Okay, so this bit isn't earth-shatteringly important, it doesn't deal with the problems facing our country and the world, and you could easily dismiss it as fluff.  But I dare you to read the following article and not feel a little hopeful about humanity.  Go on.  I dare you.

PORTLAND, Ore. - With two runners on base and a strike against her, Sara Tucholsky of Western Oregon University uncorked her best swing and did something she had never done, in high school or college. Her first home run cleared the center-field fence.

But it appeared to be the shortest of dreams come true when she missed first base, started back to tag it and collapsed with a knee injury.

She crawled back to first but could do no more. The first-base coach said she would be called out if her teammates tried to help her. Or, the umpire said, a pinch runner could be called in, and the homer would count as a single.

Then, members of the Central Washington University softball team stunned spectators by carrying Tucholsky around the bases Saturday so the three-run homer would count — an act that contributed to their own elimination from the playoffs.

Central Washington first baseman Mallory Holtman, the career home run leader in the Great Northwest Athletic Conference, asked the umpire if she and her teammates could help Tucholsky.

The umpire said there was no rule against it.

So Holtman and shortstop Liz Wallace put their arms under Tucholsky’s legs, and she put her arms over their shoulders. The three headed around the base paths, stopping to let Tucholsky touch each base with her good leg.

“The only thing I remember is that Mallory asked me which leg was the one that hurt,” Tucholsky said. “I told her it was my right leg and she said, ‘OK, we’re going to drop you down gently and you need to touch it with your left leg,’ and I said ‘OK, thank you very much.”’

“She said, ‘You deserve it, you hit it over the fence,’ and we all kind of just laughed.”

“We started laughing when we touched second base,” Holtman said. “I said, ’I wonder what this must look like to other people.”’

“We didn’t know that she was a senior or that this was her first home run,” Wallace said Wednesday. “That makes the story more touching than it was. We just wanted to help her.”

Holtman said she and Wallace weren’t thinking about the playoff spot, and didn’t consider the gesture something others wouldn’t do.

As for Tucholsky, the 5-foot-2 right fielder was focused on her pain.

“I really didn’t say too much. I was trying to breathe,” she told The Associated Press in a telephone interview Wednesday.

“I didn’t realize what was going on until I had time to sit down and let the pain relax a little bit,” she said. “Then I realized the extent of what I actually did.”

“I hope I would do the same for her in the same situation,” Tucholsky added.

As the trio reached home plate, Tucholsky said, the entire Western Oregon team was in tears.

Central Washington coach Gary Frederick, a 14-year coaching veteran, called the act of sportsmanship “unbelievable.”

For Western Oregon coach Pam Knox, the gesture resolved the dilemma Tucholsky’s injury presented.

“She was going to kill me if we sub and take (the home run) away. But at the same time I was concerned for her. I didn’t know what to do,” Knox said.

Tucholsky’s injury is a possible torn ligament that will sideline her for the rest of the season, and she plans to graduate in the spring with a degree in business. Her home run sent Western Oregon to a 4-2 victory, ending Central Washington’s chances of winning the conference and advancing to the playoffs.

“In the end, it is not about winning and losing so much,” Holtman said. “It was about this girl. She hit it over the fence and was in pain, and she deserved a home run.”

How about that?  I got nothin' else to say.  What's that?  Tears?  No, really.  I've just go something in my eye.  Shut up!

May First

It's International Workers' Day!

Solidarity forever.

They can be in our Krewe

You've probably read of the asshole principle who outed 2 gay students.  I think the First Draft Krewe ought to make another trip to NOLA and invite Nicholas and his partner to join us...

According to Nicholas, he also suffered another consequence of the principal’s discrimination.  He had submitted extensive paperwork and several recommendations from teachers for a school trip to New Orleans to assist in rebuilding efforts. 

Having a long history of community service, he was considered a shoo-in to be selected to go before the incident, but then a teacher told Nicholas some faculty were afraid he might “embarrass the school” or engage in “inappropriate behavior.”

A few days later, another student who hadn’t even applied to go on the trip was selected in his place.

(h/t Michael at 2 millionth web log)

Doan's Slings and Arrows

GovExec reports "in the end, it wasn't an investigation into potential Hatch Act violations" which brought down GSA Chief Lurita Doan. Rather it came "as a result of her ongoing and public feud with her agency's inspector general, Brian Miller."

Multiple government sources, including Doan herself, indicated to Government Executive that her ouster was the result of the dispute with Miller, which deepened during the past several weeks after the IG was cleared in a pair of whistleblower probes. The recent flare-up may have been the final straw after Doan had survived a series of earlier probes of alleged misconduct on her part.

But there was also this....

Doan's unconventional tactics were on display last Wednesday at a GSA conference in Anaheim, Calif. At a dinner sponsored by a contractor trade group, she appeared on stage with arrows sticking out of her head, shoulders, arms and legs, according to a transcript of the speech posted on GSA's Web site. Using the arrows to illustrate her challenges at GSA, Doan said she had been taking shots from the media, Congress and those who represented the "status quo." (my emphasis)

While neither GSA nor the White House would provide a reason for Doan's dismissal, her uncensored public statements and involvement in the Miller case had clearly become a distraction.

Well I had to check that out and so here from that transcript is Doan's opening:

What?

(Lurita has arrows sticking out of her head, shoulders, arms and legs.)

Let me just say: Making innovative changes to tired programs is not easy … you have to expect taking some shots.

Just look at me! 

If nothing else, you should know that your GSA Administrator has been in the fight, has been pushing reforms, encouraging innovation, and has ventured out into hostile territory.

Take a look!

(Lurita removes arrow number one.)

This one is from someone named status quo … status quo says, “GSA should never try to improve government programs.  How dare we question?  How dare we even try?  Keep everything the same, don’t rock the boat … this is how it’s always been done.”

But me, I’m a contrarian: I have a different idea.

(Lurita removes arrow two.)

This is from the entrenched.   entrenched says, “it’s a fine idea, but we just need to move a bit more slowly; let’s not be too hasty. Perhaps we need to commission a study before we continue?”

But me, I’m a contrarian: I believe the opposite. I know that nothing happens until you commit to it, and I know that fiercely committed people can achieve great things.

(Lurita removes arrow three.)

This one is from the press who say:  “I’ve been covering this issue for some time. I’m the only one who really understands the issue.  You need to consult me, listen to my recommendations.”

But me, I'm a contrarian: I say, hmmmmm sounds great, count me out!

(Lurita removes arrow number five.)

This is from some of the folks on the Hill:  why is it that they always aim so low?

This is from folks called, “there’s only 9 months left.”  These folks are the ones who say:  “What do they think they can do; there’s so little time left. Too late now to start anything new; too late now to finish previously begun initiatives.”

But me, I say….ouch!

Ai Yi Yi.....Generally speaking I've always thought one should avoid using arrows in one's act unless you're this guy:

Today On Holden's Obsession With The Gaggle

Lurita Sleeps With The Fishes

Q Dana, why was Lurita Doan forced to resign now? She's been a presence around here for a long time. Why was she fired now?

MS. PERINO: Well, I'm not going to comment on a -- on the resignation. I will confirm, obviously, that she has resigned from GSA. While serving as the administrator she worked very hard to respond effectively during the times of emergency. She also worked to make sure that all of the numerous buildings in the federal government are as energy efficient as possible. And the President is grateful for her service and wishes her the best.

Q Okay. She says she was forced out. Is that true?

MS. PERINO: I'm not going to comment.

[snip]

Q Okay, one more Lurita Doan. Did the President want her to stay? Would he have supported --

MS. PERINO: I'm not going to comment. She tendered her resignation and it was accepted.

Bravo, Helen

Q Me? How does the President intend to commemorate "Mission Accomplished" after five years of death and destruction?

MS. PERINO: What you're referring to is the banner that ran -- that was aboard the ship five years ago. President Bush --

Q I'm talking about the anniversary tomorrow.

MS. PERINO: Yes, I get -- no, I understand. That's the anniversary of when that banner flew on that ship. President Bush is well aware that the banner should have been much more specific and said "mission accomplished for these sailors who are on this ship on their mission." And we have certainly paid a price for not being more specific on that banner. And I recognize that the media is going to play this up again tomorrow, as they do every single year.

[snip]

Q Is every Iraqi a terrorist?

MS. PERINO: -- and the Iranian-backed militias --

Q We're fighting the Iraqis, we're bombing their homes. What do you mean?

MS. PERINO: Helen, we are going after terrorists and al Qaeda and Iranian-backed Shia militia who are killing not only innocent Iraqis but our soldiers as well, and we're doing so in --

Q We're bombing homes with children --

MS. PERINO: -- we are working very closely with the government of Iraq in order to take back these provinces. And I would point you to Basra and the battle on Basra, in which the initial reports was that it was an unmitigated failure. And actually if you look at it now, we were -- the Iraqis, working with us, with our support, were able to take back that port and that town. And I think what that shows is that Prime Minister Maliki, once he decided to take on these criminal elements, brought together his government, and now they're backing him and they're working together, and now they want to start taking on other militias, such as in Sadr City.

But remember, Helen, when we are going after these terrorists and the ones who hide amongst innocent civilians --

Q We're going after Iraqis who are fighting for their own country.

MS. PERINO: But they hide amongst innocent civilians, and that is where you get problems that we obviously regret and go out of our way to avoid.

Oh, But Dana -- It Is Against The Law

Q [O]ver the last six years the Pentagon conducted a secret operation designed to sell the war in Iraq and the war on terror to the American people. It recruited more than 75 ex-military officers, many with financial ties to the defense industry, provided them with talking points and an extraordinary degree of access not available to ordinary members of the press, including meetings with the Secretary of Defense, and it got them higher supposedly independent military analysts by every U.S. television network. One of its participants described it --

MS. PERINO: Do you have a question?

Q One of its participants described the program as "psyops on steroids" and others said that if they --

MS. PERINO: Is this your opinion?

Q I'm describing the program.

MS. PERINO: What's your question?

Q Others said that if they departed from the Pentagon's talking points, their access was cut off. And my question is, did the White House know about and approve of this operation?

MS. PERINO: Look, I didn't know -- look, I think that you guys should take a step back and look at this -- look, DOD has made a decision, they've decided to stop this program. But I would say that one of the things that we try to do in the administration is get information out to a variety of people so that everybody else can call them and ask their opinion about something.

And I don't think that that should be against the law.

Column: Welcome To The Party, Pal

John McCain learns there are people in the world who are not rich or white, and we fail to give him the Internet cookie he seems to think he deserves for demonstrating basic self-awareness:

McCain has been able to get away with showing up just in time to shoot the politically wounded for years now.

He made sure to denounce attacks on Sen. John Kerry's war record in the 2004 presidential election after those attacks had done most of their political damage, but pundits still cite that denunciation as evidence of McCain's charming "maverick" tendencies. His criticism of the war effort has, for the most part, come after the fact, not before, when it could have had some effect. McCain may say now, as he did last August, that "it grieves me so much that we have not told the American people how tough and difficult this task would be."

But as the war began, McCain was agreeing publicly with Vice President Dick Cheney that U.S. troops would be greeted with joy by Iraqis. "There's no doubt in my mind," McCain told his slavish admirer Chris Matthews, "that we will prevail and there's no doubt in my mind, once these people are gone, that we will be welcomed as liberators."

But the most damning evidence of McCain's opportunistic hypocrisy has come on an issue on which many colleagues looked to him for guidance: torture. A victim of cruel treatment while held prisoner by the North Vietnamese almost four decades ago, McCain famously pushed through a law in 2005 that prohibited inhumane treatment of prisoners at Guantanamo Bay, over the Bush administration's objections.

But when Bush amended that law himself in a "signing statement," abrogating responsibility for deciding how and when torture would be used after all, what did we hear from McCain? Only silence. He did not speak up about the president's essential override of the will of Congress until running for president this past February.

A.

New and Exciting Advances in Medical Technology

This seems to be working for you, Mr. Friedman

This is just amazing.  Apparently, we can now transplant working brains into people who desperately need them.  I'm surprised this sort of thing isn't making headlines.

But Jude, you may ask, how do you know that doctors have successfully transplanted a brain if that story hasn't been reported anywhere?

And I'd tell you that's a good question.  To answer it, I'm going to have to deploy my amazing inferential skills.  Follow with me.

1. Thomas Friedman went on leave from the NY Times op-ed page.
2. When he left, he was barking mad and totally incoherent
3. He returned with a column today
4. It made sense.
5. *blink*
6. *blink*
7. Ergo, I can only conclude that Mr. Friedman had a brain transplant while he was on leave.

Pretty fancy bit of intellectual footwork, no?

Honestly, when I looked at the Times today, and saw that Friedman was back, I groaned a little.  I was expecting something about "sucking on that" or a flat earth, or an insightful anecdote from an apocryphal cabbie in Bangalore.  But no.  He made sense.  What the hell is going on in the world?

I'm really hoping that there's an intrepid team of doctors and nurses somewhere relaxing after removing Mr. Friedman's old brain and replacing it with a new, functioning one.

Because if shit is fucked up enough for Thomas Friedman to recognize it with his old brain, we are in for one rough motherfucking ride.

Your Working-Class Media: Goldberg Edition

Jesus tits:

David Bradley had been trying to lure Jeffrey Goldberg to the Atlantic for more than two years.

Bradley, the magazine's owner, wrote flattering letters. He courted Goldberg at a McDonald's on Wisconsin Avenue. He proffered a hefty signing bonus. And when the New Yorker's Washington correspondent finally seemed receptive to making the move, Bradley sent in the ponies.

"He's incredibly persistent and makes you feel like you're God's gift to journalism," says Goldberg, who had turned Bradley down once before. But that was before the horses showed up at his home to entertain his children. "The charm is incredibly disarming," says Goldberg, who joined the Atlantic last month.

I would just like to announce that I am a) available for pet-related bribery to the editors of any and all publications and b) a bargain at the going rate of a fat, happy weaselbeast:

Via Crack Den comment by the lovely and talented Doodle Bean.

A.

Today on Athenae's Obsession with the Freepi: Where's Whitey's Iced Tea?

Are they racist or are they assholes? Or are those two great tastes that go great together? We spelunk the Obama-Wright thread, you decide!

As long as he doesn’t throw the good Reverend under the BACK of the bus. That would be racist.

---

This is pathetic - this naive young man is totally unprepared to lead a Nation of 300 million people.

---

We “bitter, gun-totin’, bible-belivin’, religion-clingin’, everyone-hatin’” flyover country white folk saw your mask slip and what you really are!

---

Hussein is lying his arse off, he thinks whitey is dumb!

---

I can hear it now: "Obabma has left the fold and is kissing whitey's A$$ because he is scared! Now its time to ride him dirty!"

---

The Black Value System ping

I'm beginning to think whitey's being given a bad rap by these folks.

A.

Your President Speaks!

Yesterday, at the White House.

What Government Is - ISN'T!

Government is love -- government is justice and law, it's not love. Love is found in the hearts of our fellow citizens.

M-O-O-N Spells Volunteer

And so Americans, if they want to find out how they can help, if you're motivated by Volunteer Week, or if you're motivated by hearing this message, you're motivated by a neighbor saying, gosh, it's really made my life better to help somebody in need, why don't you go to the website of USA Freedom Corps, and you can look it up at "volunteer.gov." It's not all that hard; you just get on there and type "volunteer.gov."

To Be A Citizen To Be

In my first inaugural address, I said it's important to be a citizen, not a spectator. And there's no better way to be a citizen to be a soldier in the armies of compassion, a foot soldier.

More on Labor

Yeah, this happened right here in Wisconsin.

The post about my union below (and especially the comments to it) got me thinking some more about labor.  Someone rightly mentioned that a leader of his or her union was involved in corruption, and that fact helped disillusion many workers and fatally weaken the union.

It's not just corrupt people who have ruined the image of unions (though, I'll admit, American labor has had problems with malfeasance and organized crime).

Think about this--when was the last time you saw a labor union depicted in a positive light? 

The only thing I can think of is Norma Rae, and that was 30 years ago.

It doesn't matter what kind of workers we're talking about, either.  Consider the narratives that have accompanied strikes by the following groups: 

Hollywood writers and actors?  Pampered crybabies who don't really work, anyway. 

Autoworkers and steelworkers?  Overpaid, lazy Americans who can't compete in a global economy. 

Professional athletes?  Wealthy, often criminal, and many of them have the audacity to be black. 

Pilots or airline workers?  Haven't you seen what hard times the airlines are experiencing?  How dare these greedy, short-sighted jerks grab at more?

Teachers?  Hell, anyone can do that job.  And teachers' unions just keep bad teachers from being held accountable!

It goes on for service workers, cops, firefighters, nurses, city/state/federal employees, dockworkers, truck drivers, carpenters, janitors, miners, and on and on and on.

When times are good, workers are told they can't get raises because capital needs to be reinvested (that it's often reinvested in humongous executive salaries is conveniently forgotten).  When times are uncertain, we can't raise salaries or benefits because of the uncertainty.  And, of course, when the economy is down, we can't increase worker compensation because the firm is in jeopardy.  There's always some bullshit excuse why the people who do the producing have to sacrifice more and receive less, and the people at the top deserve more and more no matter what happens.

You know, there's one simple thing that would drastically improve labor relations in the US--national health care.  At present, unions have to fight tooth and nail to get decent, affordable health care for their members.  If everyone were already covered, then bargaining sessions could work on better wages, domestic partner benefits, and other quality-of-life issues (many of which fit into the progressive agenda very nicely).  I've long thought that big businesses in the US would push for national healthcare, just because it would save them a shitload of money and trouble with collective bargaining.  However, that assumes that the people running large companies aren't, you know, retarded cuttlefish.  Oops.

Your President Speaks!

Today, at the White House, during the most lackluster presser in human history.

The Valley Girl President

I think the last time I visited with you it was like -- I said it was like a tax increase on the working people.

Brainwreck

They ought to say, why don't we -- I proposed, you might remember, taking some abandoned military bases and providing regulatory relief so we can build new refineries.

Medulla Ohmigodda

I mean, if we're generally interested in moving forward with an energy policy that sends a signal to the world that we're not -- we're going to try to become less reliant upon foreign oil, we can explore at home, as well as continue on with an alternative fuels program.

The Words On How To Define The Economy

I mean, you know, the words on how to define the economy don't reflect the anxiety the American people feel.

His Answer To High Fuel Prices

We're transitioning to a new era, by the way -- a new era where we're going to have batteries in our cars that will power -- enable people to drive 40 miles on electricity.

His Understanding Of Supply And Demand

We can also send a clear signal that we understand supply and demand, and then when you don't build a refinery for 30 years, it's going to be a part of restricting supply.

Fancy-Ass Words

As a matter of fact, the solution to the issue of corn-fed ethanol is cellulosic ethanol, which is a fancy word for saying we're going to make ethanol out of switchgrasses, or wood chips.

What We Got To Understand

And we got to understand we're in a transition period.

Synaptic Stutter

And so you ask -- you say that people think we can't -- there's not any more reserves to be found.

What New Technologies Enable For

New technologies enables for -- to be able to drill like we've never been able to do so before -- slant hole technologies and the capacity to use a drill site, a single drill site, to be able to explore a field in a way that doesn't damage the environment.

Cant't Stand The Stand

And one of the -- for example, one of the things the -- al Qaeda would like to do is blow up oil facilities, understanding we're in a global market, a attack on an oil facility in a major oil-exporting country would affect the economies of their enemy -- that would be us, and other people who can't stand what al Qaeda stands for.

Which Vision

I think we're making progress in Afghanistan, but there's a very resilient enemy that obviously wants to kill people that stand in the way of their reimposition of a state that is -- which vision is incredibly dark.

Does Not Understand What "Asymmetrical Warfare" Means

We're dealing with a group of ideologues who use asymmetrical warfare -- that means killing innocent people -- to try to achieve their objectives.

A Clear Message To Syria

And finally, we wanted to make it clear to Syria -- and the world -- that their intransigence in dealing with helping us in Iraq, or destabilizing Lebanon, or dealing with Hamas -- which is a destablizing force in our efforts to have a Palestinian state coexist peacefully with Israel -- that those efforts are -- gives us a chance to remind the world that we need to work together to deal with those issues.

We Have Done Increasing

And in the meantime we have done, increasing CAFTA, for example.

Actually Not A Matter Of Fact

That's why I told you that if Congress had responded -- matter of fact, Congress did pass ANWR in the late 1900s -- 1990s -- and the 1900s --  1990s.

There Is Rumors

There's rumors about Iranian help.

Provoke Response

So when you want to talk about peace being difficult in the Middle East -- it's going to be difficult, but it's even made more difficult by entities like Hamas, who insist upon lobbing rockets into Israel, trying to provoke response and trying to destabilize -- even destabilize the region more.

There Is Initiatives

There's some very interesting initiatives that are being developed there.

What You Got To Ask

But you got to ask, why is Hamas lobbing rockets?

What We Got To Do

And to answer whether or not people's conversation -- whether they're more effective, all we got to do is watch to see how Hamas behaves.

What It's Got

It's a country that used to be an exporter of food; it's now got terrible human conditions there.

Where Have You Gone, Big Bill?

We could use someone like you now.

That mean-looking motherfucker in the coat and hat above was Big Bill Haywood, a kick-ass union activist from the early 20th century.

When you look at him, you know he understood how to make his point clear. 

Well, Big Bill, we could use you these days.  I've been somewhat involved with my union's negotiations with management lately.

Management is made up of reflexive assholes and retarded cuttlefish.

Seriously, fuck those people.  I can't imagine how much this would suck if we didn't have our union.  And I just don't understand why more working people don't support them.  I've worked jobs in a union, and I've worked jobs without one.  Having a union is infinitely preferable to not having one.  Workers can get a much better deal when they bargain collectively, and when they realize that the bosses need us far more than the converse.

Which, of course, is why unions scare the ever-loving shit out of the rich cocksuckers who run this country.

Solidarity forever.

Presidential Debate in New Orleans?

The Commission on Presidential Debates deigned NOLA wasn't ready for a debate but Google and YouTube must think otherwise.

Google, the dominant Web search engine, and YouTube, the online video platform, are proposing the forum with the major party presidential candidates be held Sept. 18 at the Ernest N. Morial Convention Center, just after the parties complete their conventions in late August and early September. It would be eight days before the first scheduled presidential commission debate in Oxford, Miss.

The announcement, made today on Google's Web site, did not reveal whether any of the candidates -- presumptive Republican nominee Sen. John McCain of Arizona, or Democratic candidates Sen. Barack Obama of Illinois or Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York -- have agreed to participate.

SNIP

The New Orleans forum will be hosted by Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal, New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin and the same consortium that filed the unsuccessful application with the debate commission: Women of the Storm, the Greater New Orleans Foundation and Dillard, Loyola, Tulane and Xavier universities.

I think it will be hard for the candidates to say no to this. Clinton and Obama were critical of NOLA being excluded by the debate commission and last week McCain was in NOLA making all kind of promises as well as you have Republican Bobby Jindal (whose name has come up frequently as a possible VP for McSame) pushing for it. But that may all end up to be meaningless in this crazy campaign....

"Paper Levee" Scandal Gets Worse

Last week I posted on the WWL story of a contractor stuffing the joints of a NOLA floodwall with newspaper instead of rubber. I followed with another post called "I Iz Contractr."

However given new information that post should have rightly been titled "I Iz ACE."  (Army Corps of Engineers).
Via Jeffrey is this from the Times Picayune:

Corps officials said it used its own hired workers in 2006 to put in the newspaper filling, not a contractor.

As Alan at Think New Orleans asks:

Finally, who here can rest assured that “those three gaps were the only ones where such a method was used?” This is about as laughable as scandal as you could imagine and it’s especially funny that the response is “It’s all good.”

Will it take nothing short of another levee failure to compel the Army Corps to answer questions?

What It's For

Elite:

The story was a giggling GOP oppo plant, but that didn't stop the kewl kidz from running with it. I don't need to remind you about John Kerry and his "butler" and the "green tea" and the "wit-whiz" psuedoscandals of 2004. If Clinton were still the front runner, she'd be portrayed in the press as a cross between Dalmation draped Cruella DeVille and Evita Peron with her 100 million and Bubba trophy husband. (Actually, she is -- they aren't taking any chances.)

Meanwhile, you have a temperamental, fabulously wealthy, flip-flopping, seventy one year old warmonger on the other side who's being called "the coolest guy in school" by 20-something reporters.

Nobody should be surprised or unprepared for this by now. I think Obama's campaign people underestimated how this label could be applied to their guy and they allowed it to play out in Pennsylvania in ways that should have been anticipated. But then I have always wondered why Democrats are always off guard every time this hits them.

The reason most Democrats seem so caught off guard by this, the constant repetition of the unassailable fact that our candidate — whoever he or she is — is a whiny pussy is that they don’t get what it’s really about. I’m not talking just that he or she isn’t a whiny pussy, or really bowls very well, or likes orange juice, or windsurfs and drinks green tea. It’s not just that they’re trying to argue the facts in a campaign about first impressions and whispered innuendos. It’s not just that they’re trying to argue the facts in a campaign that’s not about facts at all, that (as Interrobang points out so wonderfully here) is all about throwing six things at the wall so that you can’t pick just one to argue back against and instead you say fuck it and head to the bar while they declare victory.

It’s that the elitist, guy-you’d-have-a-beer-with, person-just-like-me presidential campaign is, at its heart, about powerlessness.

Not theirs, either. Ours.

It’s about the assumption that on the really big questions, the war questions, the economy questions, the universal questions of justice and law, the questions of class, the questions of race, the questions of land and freedom, the questions that truly make us who we are, on those really big questions we can’t honestly affect anything. How much can we do? Look around. We got a Democratic Congress elected only to watch it roll over for everything the Bush administration wanted, only to see the war go on for two more years. We got candidates elected only to watch them betray the things they promised us they stood for. We got new media started only to realize that no matter how many books we sold, nobody'd listen to us anyway. We kicked and screamed and fought and bit like wild dogs and for every step forward that we take together about half of us are bitching at the tops of our lungs that this isn't the right way, give me the map, I'm gonna drive from now on, not you.

And that? That's me being encouraging and optimistic. That's me being the person who's usually telling you to call your senators, show up to the rally, write wet-noodle Harry Reid a letter asking him not to be so bull-tits useless all the time. That's me being kind. Every single goddamn time somebody suggests that maybe you shouldn’t sit in your house and be directionlessly pissed off, that doing something is better than doing nothing always, always, a half a dozen asshole concern trolls pop out of the sewer pipes to point and laugh and mock your involvement, to tell you it’s dumb and you’re just embarrassing yourself. Asshole concern trolls, by the way, being employed by the major news networks, the RNC, or the American people in the form of Republican and Bush Dog Democratic congressmen, so it’s easy for them to sneer with a large microphone while you whisper into your tiny paper funnel.

We've all heard them: You’re an idiot, hippie. Sit the fuck down. Why are you protesting, hippie, protests never made anything happen (look for a renewed interest in THAT topic around convention time from professional “sensible liberal” fuckheads). Why are you writing to your dickheaded Republican senator, he’s not gonna listen. Why are you wasting time arguing with pro-lifers, with pro-choicers, with people who oppose or support the death penalty, why are you wearing a T-shirt that says Torture is Not An American Value, why are you doing anything? Don’t you know you can’t do anything? Didn’t anybody tell you? And a startling number of people who are supposed to be on “our” side are eager to join in because if there’s one thing a bully’s good at, it’s getting your own friends to laugh at you while he beats you black and blue.

And so after about 30 years of this, interspersed with memorable incidents in which people who did make a goddamn difference got shot a whole lot, what you end up with is an electorate convinced that the only thing they have the power to affect is the brand loyalties of the person they’re putting in the Oval Office. You might not get somebody in there to end the war and bring about the second New Deal but you sure as fuck aren’t gonna have to put up with a Pepsi drinker being all in your face all day. Or a guzzler of orange juice. An eater of arugula. Just fucking kill me now, but that’s where we’re at, that’s how our imagining of our own power has shrunk. It’s about powerlessness. This is all we think we have. Of course nothing's different now. For eight years we've been told all we could do about terrorism was go shopping, for fuck's sake. You can't do anything. Sit in your house and be scared. Go to the mall, that's an act of courage. They've asked us for nothing and so that's what we've given, and slowly we've come to believe that that is all of which we are capable.

I used to think what happened to Gore had happened because the world was basically okay in 2000 for a lot of people so why not waste time on what he was wearing; then Kerry, in 2004, got hit with the same crap, and I thought, “There’s actual, real shit going on right now we need this man to deal with. Why’re they hassling him about ordering green tea in a restaurant? And why in the name of all that’s holy are people VOTING based on that?” Because it’s all they feel they can do. Because it’s all they have power over. Because the big decisions, in every other way, have been taken out of their hands. If all they’ve got left are the small ones, then that’s what they’ll argue. That’s what they’ll decide.

It’s not even that you’ve got a hammer and everything looks like a nail. It’s that they pounded in all the nails, took off the hammerhead and gave you a stick. Told you to hit a piñata with it.

Told you that was what it was for.

A.

Good News, Everyone!

Handed down from God himself

Hey hey, everybody.  Sorry I've been absent.  But life has been very busy, and I haven't had time for smartassery. 

But it looks like I'm back now. As a celebration, I thought I'd tell everyone about Free Cone Day.

What, you might ask, is Free Cone Day? 

It's simple.  Ben & Jerry's ice cream shops will be giving away ice cream cones.  Tomorrow.  Here are some step-by-step instructions that should help:

1. Go to a Ben & Jerry's store
2. Obtain free ice cream
3. Om nom nom nom

Simple enough, right?

And now back to the trenchant commentary for which I am notorious.

Even To The Foundation

Go read Robert.

A.

Happy Howard Photo

Baby baby baby just like that baby.

A.

I Knew I'd Lose You

A.

The McCain Girls Were Just The Beginning

Hang the disembodied head of McCain from your earlobes!

No, REALLY:

A.