Dr. A and I recently watched the new Battlestar Galactica flick The Plan, which tells the BSG saga from the vantage point of the Cylon skin jobs. The Dean Stockwell Cylon dude, John (number one) Cavil, was the main character. It was pretty good for a direct to DVD release. Then, I noticed today that the dread Glenn Beck is peddling something that he calls, uh, The Plan. It's not the most original name for a, uh, plan but Glenn Beck being a Cylon could explain a great deal. He's creepy, manipulative and robotic as well as a converted Mormon. Hmm, I wonder if Mitt Haircut is a Cylon too? Probably not. Yeah, I know, it was Glen Larson the creator of the *original* BSG who was an LDS'er. Glen? There's that name again only with one N. Holy crap, I sound like Glenn Beck spinning one of his wild conspiracy theories, which could be called either The Case Of The Missing N *or* N Is For Nutjob...
I'm not sure which Cylon model Beck most resembles. I'm not sure if he's more like the ineffectual skin job, number 5, who was a suicide bomber or the really creepy number 2 who had a sick thing for Starbuck. Any thoughts?
This post is, of course, dedicated to our fearless leader, Athenae.
One of the first blog-based books, the anthology Special Plans examines Feith's role in misleading America into war. Buy from 
Beck's not Leoben. He's more like an Eight that's gone all kill-crazy, bashing around, knocking stuff over in his attempts to feel loved and good and true and ruining everything because of his own psychological issues.
But even that isn't a perfect fit. I think the Cylons would spend ten minutes with Beck and then airlock him and box his model just to get some goddamn peace and quiet.
A.
Posted by: Athenae | November 23, 2009 at 22:33
You're probably right but this was a fun one to write. The holy spirit or holy shit or something inspired me...
Posted by: Adrastos | November 23, 2009 at 22:36
That I found The Plan disappointing aside, perhaps Beck was one of Ellen's early, failed skinjobs that she never talks about and denies ever having created.
.
Posted by: spork_incident | November 24, 2009 at 06:13
The Plan felt like a bunch of outtakes strung together. That being said, Dean Stockwell was great.
Posted by: BlakNo1 | November 24, 2009 at 06:22
The Cylons are much too intellectually sophisticated for a Beck model.
Posted by: Maitri | November 24, 2009 at 07:54
Spork and Blak: That's why I said it was "pretty good" it had its moments but didn't entirely hang together.
Yeah you right, Maitri. They'd box hims pronto.
Posted by: Adrastos | November 24, 2009 at 08:04
You've got it all wrong.
Beck is the reason why the Cylons tried to wipe out humanity. I don't know if it was a prophecy from their God, or if one of the hybrids had a precognition, but at some point, they became aware of the future existence of Glenn Beck. Before that event, the Cylons could live in an uneasy peace with humans, but once they foresaw the existence of Beck, they knew: They couldn't inhabit the same universe as that fucksocket.
Being Cylons, they employed a cold, unfeeling, logic to make their decisions. They knew that a) this scumbag named Glenn Beck would exist some time in the future, and b) they had no idea what chain of events could lead to his birth. There were just too many contingencies to consider. The only logical conclusion, then, was to eliminate humanity. It was the only way to be sure.
Thanks for fucking that up, Bill Adama.
Posted by: Jude | November 24, 2009 at 08:22
and they say They Live wasn't a documentary
Posted by: preznit giv me turkee | November 24, 2009 at 09:16
on a related tangent. Many university research offices are currently dealing with a certain federal training mandate from the National Science Foundation. The language from the feds is very oblique. They aren't asking for completed training records, they are merely asking us to certify that WE HAVE A PLAN in place to provide the training.
Yesterday I was at a meeting with a passel of other folks in a huge oak-lined office around a big conference table at the University of Texas. The point above came up and someone I didn't catch way down at the other end of the table intoned "And they have a plan" and half the heretofore rather boring bureaucrats at the table snickered knowingly.
Posted by: virgotex | November 24, 2009 at 09:40
I never have "A Plan", I just wing it.
Posted by: GentillyGirl | November 24, 2009 at 11:02
Did Glen Larceny actually ever create anything? I thought his specialty was ripping off people with talent and then taking credit for it.
Posted by: Interrobang | November 24, 2009 at 13:19
Screw "the Plan" - do you have a flag? - (all apologies to Eddie Izzard)
Posted by: Elspeth Ravenwind | November 24, 2009 at 15:55
I beg your pardon, ER? What was that about a pole? Who am I Lech Walesa? Oh, a flag...
Posted by: Adrastos | November 24, 2009 at 16:43
No flag, no country.
virgotex, it's so nice to know that there are not-so-boring bureaucrats who actually have a sense of humor.
Posted by: BuggyQ | November 24, 2009 at 17:21
A plan, we haz one.
"Beck is the reason why the Cylons tried to wipe out humanity"
WIN
Posted by: BlakNo1 | November 24, 2009 at 17:38
Yeah, I gotta say that Jude's comment really rocked my cylony universe or some such shit.
Posted by: Adrastos | November 24, 2009 at 23:01