God, Just Have Sex Like Normal People

Dan e-mailed over this Wonkette thread:

How is it that when Dems have a sex scandal, it’s usually just some dude putting his penis in someone he shouldn’t. When Repubs do it, it’s like they swing for the fences.

It’s like, “If we’re gonna get caught up in a sex scandal, damn it, there better be a three legged hooker, a fifty gallon drum of Vaseline and a shaved billy goat hopped up on Vicodin.”

Republicans, try this, you know, just once. Instead of trying the old gas mask hooked up to the anus via garden hose trick, just, you know, spank it to some porn or, if you REALLY need a taste of strange, just cheat on your wife like normal people and be done with it.

Which so neatly fits in with what I'm talking about this week at Sirens:

This isn’t me moralizing about people’s kinks, by the way. I think you should do whatever you want to do with whomever wants to do it with you. Diapering and dressing up like Donald Duck isn’t my turn-on, but hey, whatever. But the preponderance of political sex stories these days involve everything but a room at the Watergate and a box of Trojans.

Here’s a free clue for the powerful: If your inamorata needs an envelope of money or a squeaky toy to close the deal, do not pass go, do not walk, but run out of there and into a bar to pick up a grown-up like the rest of the country does.

(And yes, I realize some of what's going on here is illegal and some is just STUPID and I'm not equating the two. I'm saying politically these boys do not understand how to get their rocks off in ways that will not make them national punchlines. Had Mark Sanford just got it on with an adult lady not his wife, without involving the state troopers and public funds for his private fun, it would have been a one-day story, not a six-month-old joke that is still funny. Had South Carolina Dildo Dude taken a girl to the Super 8 instead of the GRAVEYARD it's unlikely we'd be talking about them at all. If you must fuck kinky, fuck smarter.)

A.

Comments

[Dan]

Thanks for the link, A. I think the psychology involved has more to do with an attitude of boundless license than kink. It reminds me of Edwin Edwards' (hi Adrastos!) famous line: "The only way I can lose this election is if I'm caught in bed with either a dead girl or a live boy." Not that Edwards was into either, he just loved the idea that he could do pretty much what he wanted with impunity. In the same way I don't think it's a graveyard kink, it's the thought that hey, not only can I get away with doing this in public, I can get away with doing it in a graveyard! I thin that's a big part of it, anyway.

[Phone Sex]

Most people need sex to have meaning because the alternative is too frightening: being sexual in an existential vacuum. Sex without meaning would require participants to float freely in sexual experience, rather than being snugly anchored in a cognitive framework.

[pansypoo]

party pooper.

[opit]

LOL Did you ever think of submitting script to Comedy Central. That was working up to Jesus General territory.

[ecm]

Although occasionally Dems get in on the fun too. I personally think (though we do have plenty of crazy Garden State bigots) that Jim McGreevey would not have had as much of a problem with the "gay" part of the scandal, if only he hadn't combined it with "foreign national" and "nepotistic security position appt only three years after 9/11."
But then, I guess we're New Jersey; when it comes to political scandal, we shoot for the stars, be it quality or quantity.