Above is a classic sideshow banner by Fred G. Johnson but it also describes the current state of the GOP race. We've had the Bachmann wingnut overdrive surge, the Gov Package Check surge, the Cain surge and subsequent Gingery wreck. Now it's Newt-mentum. Newt Fucking Gingrich: are you fucking kidding me? The same guy who once suggested that the children of welfare recipients be sent to orphanages? Same asshole. The Obama campaign people must be pinching themselves over their luck right now. Newt Fucking Gingrich?
I've never seen anything like this: every campaign shifts into freak show mode from time to time but this is never ending. The latest freak show twist is reality teevee show host Donald Trump moderating a debate. Donald Fucking Trump? Really: the no truth telling, net worth lying motherfucker Donald Trump? I've gotta give Ron Paul and Jon Huntsman props for telling this bad hair shitbird that they're not playing in his sandbox. The rest will likely go along because it's all freak show, all the time.
Where does it end? Just imagine the reality teevee themed debate possibilities:
Sing for Simon Cowell. Super Freak would be a good numbah for these bozos.
Eat bugs for Jeff Probst. Who among us wouldn't get a kick out of seeing Mitt Haircut spend 30 days without shaving or hair gel?
Cook with gummi bears and warthog for Chopped's Ted Allen.
Strut the runway in drag for Mad Fashion's Chris March and the Project Runway judges. I bet Michael Kors would have a few good zingers for the candidates. I'd pay good money to see Newt in stiletto heels...
The variations are infinite. Any suggestions, y'all?
One of the first blog-based books, the anthology Special Plans examines Feith's role in misleading America into war. Buy from 
Herman Cain in Kitchen Nightmares, if he hadn't, um, pulled out.
Posted by: liprap | December 06, 2011 at 09:40
I think, given the current media explanations of the financial crisis, the definitive show would be Mitchell & Webb's Numberwang:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJDu5D_IXbc&feature=related
Posted by: Tom Allen | December 06, 2011 at 10:56
The candidates could be interviewed by three of the nuttiest attorneys general in the U.S. and forced to prove they are certifiably insane. Oh, wait...
Posted by: OkieBlue | December 06, 2011 at 11:04
I have another one. Although somewhat redundant I would love to see them on the TV show "Wipeout".
Posted by: OkieBlue | December 06, 2011 at 11:09
Are You Smarter Than a Fifth-Grader? is the natural choice.
Posted by: Kevin | December 06, 2011 at 11:14
i'm waiting for the "hunger games" debate.
Posted by: mellowjohn | December 06, 2011 at 12:16
Survivor, Derangement Edition -- with Calliope music in the background, like the kind you'll sometimes hear in or around the French Quarter that shifts off key as the boat pulls away from shore.
I'm not sure what's more frightening: that the present crop of candidates has to appeal to a mouth breathing base with a collective IQ lower than my cat's...or that the "winner" of this clown show has at least a decent shot at getting elected president, thanks to IOKIYAR and "this-is-good-news-for-Republicans" being more or less permanent rules/preconditions within the elite press.
Posted by: MichaelF | December 06, 2011 at 12:19
Newticles' penchant for Dickens-era 'solutions' makes me wish I had photoshop or similar software at my disposal to blend his bloated, bejeweled-yet-sausage-fingered, self w/this image from "Oliver Twist" - http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_1a1DleYtoZY/TCd7bRMujtI/AAAAAAAADWA/vAxq9OnNXS0/s1600/MrBumble.jpg
Posted by: Elspeth Ravenwind | December 06, 2011 at 12:27
i don't watch much other than PBD, biggest loser, + law & order. newt could be whipped to lose weight.
Posted by: pansypoo | December 06, 2011 at 12:33
Lemme see what I can do with that, E.R. -- once I get home from work. Might try a different Mr. Bumble if I can find one at three quarters or full-on instead of profile.
I'd given some thought to doing Newt as Fagin, but, hang my head in shame, I've read very little Dickens, and in looking up Fagin on Wikipedia, saw that his character is, well, controversial in a way I don't to go, i.e., anti-Semitism.
Posted by: MichaelF | December 06, 2011 at 14:05
Groovy MichaelF...it's all good. That's just what I could find quickly. :)
Posted by: Elspeth Ravenwind | December 06, 2011 at 17:51
OK, kind of a quick effort...also have an orange cat demanding -- loudly -- some quality time. So it goes...anyway.
https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/4EWw_PwaptsNF6mwiuitEdMTjNZETYmyPJy0liipFm0?feat=directlink
Posted by: MichaelF | December 06, 2011 at 19:24
Hee hee! PERFECT!
Posted by: Elspeth Ravenwind | December 06, 2011 at 23:04
Thanks...and, I managed to find a few minutes --
https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/ISoETU42ia8EusXjMBoqeNMTjNZETYmyPJy0liipFm0?feat=directlink
Being a profile it's a little more difficult to pick out, but Newt makes a good beadle...
Posted by: MichaelF | December 06, 2011 at 23:32
Well, my druthers would be to see them all thrown into a pit of rabid wolverines. Failing that, set them down by helicopter - naked - in a location like the South Bronx. Sort of like Survivor, with the additional threat of being skinned. The one who comes out alive and least damaged wins.
Posted by: DanielX | December 07, 2011 at 09:50