First Draft

My new favorite interest group

It's dog day afternoon here at First Draft:

Tuesday Night Music: Two Hearts

Tonight on Adrastos' obsession with the Jayhawks:

Different song, same title, same day, same sentiment:

  

Two Hearts

I'm not big on Valentine's Day but I do love my wife dearly. So, this is for Dr. A because I do indeed believe that "two hearts are better than one."

 

Friday Catblogging: Nesting

It's chilly again, which means it's time for Della and Oscar to hit the couch:

Thursday Night Music: Bad Time

Tonight on Adrastos' obsession with the Jayhawks;

Gary Louris gets all Grand Funky Railroady. Teens agog.

 

Malaka Of The Week: Steve Holland

I'm trying to get my malaka of the week rhythm back. It shouldn't be hard since there's so much malakatude out there. This week's "honoree" is a Mississippi State Rep who thinks the Magnolia state can rename an international body of water.

I cannot top Gambitman Alex Woodward's vitriol so I'm gonna quote him:

Riding upon a chariot of Hummers driven by bald eagles, Mississippi Rep. Steve Holland filed a guns blazing cowboy steak of a bill, proudly waving our nation's red, white and God-fearing blue to protect our American coastal waters. This week, Holland introduced H.B. 150 to Mississippi's House of Representatives Marine Resources Committee — a bill that, in summary, would "for all official purposes" rename the Gulf of Mexico (or "body of water south of Mississippi") the "Gulf of America."

For all official purposes within the State of Mississippi, the body of water that is located directly south of Hancock, Harrison and Jackson Counties shall be known as the "Gulf of America." ... This act shall take effect and be in force from and after July 1, 2012.

And just in time for the Fourth of July weekend.

What tickles me about this exercise in malakatudinous futility is this douchebag's last name: Holland. Sounds suspiciously foreign (pronounced furrin) to me so I think Rep. Holland ought to change his moniker. As it stands, he sounds like a dope smoking, red light district legalizing, Socialist furriner.

Maybe Malaka Holland should put down his hash pipe and change his last name to something manly and American before he presumes to change the name of the Gulf. Any ideas, gentle readers? This bozo hasn't got a clue and that's why he's malaka of the week.

Odds & Sods: Sweater Vest Sweep Edition

Sweater Vest Sweep: Former Senator Man Dog Sex kicked some ass Tuesday. He didn't win a lot of delegates because of the goofy way the GOP allots them but Mitt has got Santorum sized shoe prints on his forehead.

I don't think it's that ex-Senator Sweater Vest is suddenly popular, it's that nobody likes Mitt and the more they see the less they like him. Hell, he lost 2 states that he won in 2008 and Colorado has a substantial LDS population. Plus, he had Tpaw's support and finished third in Minnesota, which is not something that should happen to an "inevitable nominee" at this stage of the campaign. Time for Mitt to open his wallet again and rain money on some state so he can win one.

Finally, whassup with sweater vests? I've never worn one and never wanted to. A sweater vest coulda made Steve McQueen look dorky and Rick Santorum is no Steve McQueen. Hell, he's barely even J Danforth Quayle...

Fuck yeah, 9th Circuit: They threw out California's loathsome Prop-8 on narrow grounds BUT with language that could lead to gay marriage bans being, uh, banned. The opinion was aimed smack dab at Justice Anthony Kennedy who wrote the last big gay rights case to come before the Supremes: Lawrence v. Texas. He's been trending to the right the last few years but this case could have him list leftward if, that is, the Supremes grant cert. For a more informed view, read Dahlia Lithwick at Slate.

Occupy PAN: Finally, a bit of NOLA Carnival chatter. The satirical bad asses of Carnival, Krewe du Vieux, rolled last weekend. But my sub-krewe, PAN, did not parade for reasons too lengthy and absurd to go into in any detail. It boiled down to most of us wishing to elect new leadership and the current leader's refusal to call a vote, which led to our suspension. Dissident PAN members decided to set up camp on the parade route and wear costumes from past parades. Our theme was Occupy PAN. Some pictures can be seen at my facebook page but here's one of our postery, buttony things:

Dickens at 200

Yesterday marked the bi-centennial of Charles Dickens' birth. Dickens is one of the few writers that I read as a kid that I still read, which either means I was a child prodigy or I'm now an old fart or both.

Anyway, I'd like to pose a mid-week question: what's your favorite Dickens novel, film based on one of his novels and teevee adaptation? It's a hard one for me because not only did the great man write so many brilliant books but his work adapts so well to both the big and small screen.

I'm going to cheat and list a favorite as well as a runner-up. It's hard y'all.

Novel: Great Expectations. Runner-up: David Copperfield. The latter is my first Dickensian love but I re-read Great Expectations at least every other year.

Film: David Lean's Great Expectations (1947,) which is on my list of the greatest films ever made. I've seen this one at least 15 times. Runner-up: the 1934 version of David Copperfield is a sentimental favorite because of WC Fields as Mr. Micawber and Basil Rathbone as the cold hearted blaggart Mr. Murdstone.

Teevee; Dickens and the mini-series were made for one another and Martin Chuzzelwit (1994) is my favorite. Tom Wilkinson as the slippery Mr. Pecksniff steals every scene he's in. Runner-up: Bleak House (2005.) The endless litigation of Jarndyce v. Jarndyce tells you everything you need to know about why "the law is an ass."

Okay, readers, it's your turn.

To know him is to loathe him

A new poll finds that the more people learn about the Mittbot, the less they like him. Talk about not wearing well: it's 9 months til election day.

In other Mitt Haircut related stuff, there's a fine piece at Salon about how Mitt's Mormonism makes him what he is today: a bland and arrogant stuffed shirt.

Sunday Morning Video: The best of the Dowager Countess

Maggie Smith has been stealing scenes for ages. Downton Abbey is the latest venue for her scene stealery:

 

Newt Gingrich meets Brad Pitt

Newt wants Brad to play him on the big screen. Guess the film's title will be Newt's Delusion.

In an interview with a Florida radio station, just before his defeat by Romney in the primary, Gingrich confessed that, if a movie was ever made about his life, he saw Brad Pitt in the role.

Speaking to the Rich Stevens Radio Show on Ft Lauderdale, Florida station 850 WFTL, Gingrich admitted there might be one or two minor problems – "he's thinner, he's better looking, he's younger" – but that would be no artistic obstacle. "If you're going to go for it, you gotta relax and let your imagination soar."

In fact, Gingrich, 68, is two decades older than the 48-year-old Pitt, and the two appear to have almost nothing in common. Pennsylvania-born Gingrich has been a career politician since running for Congress in 1974 as a Republican; Pitt, born in Oklahoma but raised in Missouri, has regularly topped world's sexiest man polls and is a noted Hollywood liberal.

I'm surprised Newt didn't say Denzel in order to pander to the black Goopers who convene in a phone booth at CPAC...

Friday Guest Catblogging: Denny

The warehouses wherein Carnival floats are, uh, housed are called dens. Hence the name Denny for the Krewe du Vieux den dweller below:

Caption This: Guys who like firing people edition

Malaka Of The Week: Susan G. Komen Foundation

Dissing the Susan G Komen Foundation would have once seemed like shitting all over motherhood, the flag and apple pie. This week, however, the Foundation has cut off funding to Planned Parentohood for MAMMOGRAMS. This is as egregious a case of institutional malakatude and cowardice as I've ever seen. Women could die as a result of this "policy shift.'

The best thing I've read on this subject was by the fabulous Mary Elizabeth Williams who is herself fighting a virulent form of cancer:

Along the way, Komen has become the McDonald’s of cancer — an easy-to-remember brand with a logo that demands little thought or effort from the consumer. Write a check, buy a ribbon, voila! You get to feel like you’re curing cancer.

It’s not that Komen is some questionable, Wyclef Jean-esque mess. It gets high marks from both the Better Business Bureau and Charity Navigator. Yet this is an organization that has repeatedly come under fire for its extravagant promotion of itself as an organization dedicated to a “cure,” when only a small portion of its expenses go to, you know, curing cancer. Komen itself cops to portioning just 24 percent of its funds to research – and 20 percent to fundraising and administration. For an organization with reported revenues of nearly $350 million, that’s still a lot of money for research. It’s an awful lot for itself, too.

This is a problem I often have with establishment charities: only a small slice of their bounteous funds are spent on research. How expensive can all those pink ribbons be? A mere 20% for research is obscene.  What they should do is spend some money on a backbone and refuse to cave into political pressure from  crazy people who value the "unborn" more than the born. The Komen Foundation can fold one of their pink ribbons five ways and stick it where the moon don't shine...

I'll let Mary Elizabeth have the last word about the Foundation's malakatude:

Women’s healthcare is not about lace-trimmed scarves and bottles of perfume. It’s sure as hell not about some feel-good, lip-service version of what my colleague Rebecca Traister calls “infantilizing Pepto-ed advocacy.” It’s not even — for anyone still stupid enough to think Planned Parenthood is some giant fetus-killing complex — about abortion. It’s about screening. It’s about treatment. It’s just that simple. The further away an organization gets from that mission, the more women suffer. It’s just that simple too. And you don’t make good on a “promise” to your dead sister by selling out women who need you most. 

Wednesday Night Music: Nothing In Common

My riff earlier today about how Latin voting groups have nothing in common lodged this wonderful duet between Frank Sinatra and Keely Smith in my cabeza. Not a bad earworm, y'all:

 

Mitt Hispanic?

Is the whitest man in American public life suddenly Hispanic? No but Fox News Latino is toeing the Murdochian line and asking whether Romney is the "First Gringo-Latin President." This is, of course, poppycock, piffle and other p words that I can't think of. In his eagerness to pander (another p word)  Mitt keeps mentioning his family's "emigrating from Mexico."

Here are the basic facts as I understand them: one of Romney's ancestors went to Mexico because he was polygamous and Mexican officials were even more corrupt than the Americans so they didn't enforce their own laws against plural marriage. In 1912, young George Romney and his family fled the Mexican revolution because they feared getting their rich white heads cut off. So much for Latinness or Hispanicosity. It's all part of the Mittster's pretense that he's a man of the people.

Past inherited rich guy Presidents such as FDR and JFK made fun of their own backgrounds but, of course, their policies benefited poor people. Imagine FDR saying "I'm not concerned about the very poor." I'm grateful that Romney has still got his gaffe machine mojo working...

Finally, a word to the MSM: the term Hispanic is meaningless. The main Latino groups in the US and A have nothing in common politically. Since the MSM excels at oversimplification, I'm going to do likewise: Cuban and Central American voters lean GOP and tend to be conservative.  Mexican and Puerto Rican voters lean Democratic and tend to be liberal. Try asking a rich Cubano in Miami if he has anything in common with a Mexican grape picker in California. If you do I hope they aren't drinking a beverage, spit takes can be very messy...

Okay it's time to bid y'all adios for now, so I'll let the Texas Tornados have the last word:

 

Sunday Morning Video: Jack Donaghy's Guide To Intimidation

30 Rock is back so here's a bit of warped wisdom from Jack:

 

Friday Catblogging: Vintage Oscar

Here's Oscar during our Katrina exile in Baton Rouge:

To the moon, Newt

Newt Gingrich seems to be channeling either Jackie Gleason or Ray Bradbury right now. Personally, I think a lunar base would be awesome in a sci-fi, Trekkie kinda way but the Apollo program, uh, took off when the economy was purring like a cat with a Harley implant. I wouldn't, however, object if we sent Newt to the moon: he could be the Lunar Kaiser instead of a mere candidate pandering to Florida's Space Coast.

 

Wednesday Night Music: Impossible Germany

W is for Wednesday and also for Wilco:

 

Caption This: Laundromat Edition

We've been captioning Newt a lot lately so it's time to take on Mr. 13/9%:

Tuesday Night Music: We Take Care Of Our Own

Here's the first single from Bruce's upcoming album, Wrecking Ball:

 

Odds & Sods

I'm in for yet another week from h-e-double hockey sticks so I thought I'd go the quick blurb route. I also decided to pander to all the ice people out there by making a hockey reference. Guess I'm still capable of some puckishness.

The No Harbaugh Bowl Blues: I was pulling for the Harbaugh brother coached Ravens and Niners yesterday and we know how that went. I didn't watch either game but it sounded like the heartbreak of psoriasis for those who did since nobody but their own fans root for either the Foxboro Bradys or the Jersey Elis. The good news is that I can skip the Stupor Bowl this year.

NOLA Crime Report: Murder and mayhem are off to a fast start in 2012. It usually doesn't heat up until it, uh, heats up. BUT the crime on everyone's mind was the wasted Bama fan who teabagged a wasted LSU fan after the BCS Championship. I nearly made the aforementioned teabagger, Brian Downing, malaka of the week but the story moved too fast: it broke in Deadspin a week after the game and within a few days the Tide teabagger was identified and surrendered to the NOPD. He's charged with sexual battery, gross malakatude and egregious idiocy. Me, I was just relieved that it wasn't the Brian Downing who played for the ChiSox, Angels and Rangers back in the day.

One may be able to get away with murder in the Crescent City but not dragging one's microscopic sized testicles across a drunk's face. We have standards in NOLA albeit low ones...

If you want to see the notorious video follow this link to Deadspin.

Why Is Anyone Shocked? There's some consternation around the interwebs over Aerosmith's Steven Tyler's rendition of the national anthem before the Foxboro Bradys game. Tyler sounded like he was being strangled with one of his own scarves, which is how he *always* sounds.

Newtmentum: Finally, a political note. In the immortal words of Mitt Haircut I was delighted by his loss and Newt's win. Like Bill Clinton, Barack Obama is lucky in his enemies but who thought it would be the same enemy? Newt has been wildly unpopular for at least 15 years and only has a shot at this thing because the GOP has a bad case of rabies. It's time for Mittbot to reboot in the wake of these Newtastic developments. Btw, there's a great piece online by the author of Nixonland, Rick Perlstein, about *why* Mitt Romney became such a slippery, unprincipled douchebag: it's because his father was too candid and too principled.

One mo thang: thanks, South Carolina.

Tough Cookies

Courtesy of the most Republican parish in the Gret Stet of Louisiana:

A Girl Scout troop on the north shore has collapsed after parents withdrew their children in the wake of a decision by a Colorado troop to admit a 7-year-old transgendered child. That's a move they saw as an objectionable leftward drift in Girl Scouting.

Louisiana Girl Scouts have never been asked to admit a transgendered child, said Marianne Addy, the spokeswoman for Girl Scouts Louisiana East, which provides scouting activities for 17,000 girls. And soon after the Colorado decision last fall, Louisiana Scouting directors, who are free to set local policy, decided transgendered children would not be allowed should one ever apply.

The policy is now posted on the group's website.

But Susan Cramond, a troop leader who had two children in the group that met at Northlake Christian School in Covington, said she and other like-minded parents felt Louisiana Scouting policy-makers should never have had to discuss the transgender issue in the first place. Cramond said when she first contacted Louisiana’s Scouting leaders to ask whether a transgendered child could be accepted into a local troop, she didn’t get the quick and unequivocal “no” she was hoping for.

So Cramond and fellow troop leader Susan Bryant-Snure, a Lacombe doctor, informed other parents. She said they collectively decided to abandon the Girl Scouts and seek affiliation with American Heritage Girls, a similar organization that describes itself as a “Christ-centered leadership and character development ministry.”

Bryant-Snure said by banning transgendered children, the Louisiana board eventually made the “right decision; they just made it in a way that made us nervous.”

Ain't bigotry grand? Guess they're afraid that a transgendered Girl Scout might whip it out and roast their weenie over the old camp fire or some such shit.

My friend Kevin who is Allman directed me to the most obnoxious comment at NOLA.com, which is notorious for its nasty right wing commentariat:

Surely a red flag went up for me when it was revealed that the Girl Scouts is a platform for promoting sexual promiscuity, contraception and abortion.

So, eat a Samoa and promote decadence? Cool. I'll take samoa right here on the floor. Holy Dinah-Moe Humm, Batman:

 

Sunday Morning Video: I'm Against It

Here's Groucho from Horsefeathers complete with Portugese sub-titles:

 

Caption This: Thurmondville Primary Edition

I don't know about you but I feel Newtastic:

 

Friday Catblogging: Della in the basket

Della was outraged that I used a pissed off picture last week and insisted that I post something more flattering. I hope she's satisfied. 

Johnny Otis, R.I.P.

One of the founding fathers of the post-World War II R & B explosion, Johnny Otis, has died at the age of 90.

He was one of the few successful Greek-Americans that my late father never claimed as a distant relative. He was best known for writing Willie and the Hand Jive so here it goes:

 

Pets With Newt?

Following up on yesterday's question is this site, Pets With Newt.

I only hope Newt doesn't have rabies. We know he bites.

Leapin' Lemurs, call the ASPCA, y'all.

Sunday Morning Video: The Romneys of Mexico

I don't usually post news related vids on Sunday BUT this is a helluva interesting story by NBC's  Mike Taibbi about Mitt Haircut's Mexican roots; one of many things he doesn't like talking about.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

 

 

Friday Night Music: It Hurts Me Too

2012 is off to a rough start for me and this song sums things up pretty darn well:

 

Friday Catblogging: Della Street meets Carmen Miranda

Not really. She'd scratch my eyes out if I tried putting a goofy fruit hat on her. Dr. A, however, was able to affix a fake flower to our delight and Della's dismay:

 

The Crown Prince

I'm not surprised that Ron Paul has done well thus far this primary season. The voters are cranky and who better to, uh, crank them up than a crank like Ron Paul. I am, however, surprised at how many people think he'll bolt the GOP and run as a 3rd, 4th or even 5th party candidate. (Just had to prove that I can count that high.) Why? His son, Senator Rand Paul.

Unless Dr. Ron is the world's worst father, it's hard to see him ruining his son's chances in the GOP. Rand could be Ron's ultimate revenge on the GOP establishment. He's young, vigorous and holds views every bit as nutty as Papa Paul. It's easy to foresee the artist formerly known as Aqua Buddha making a creditable run for the GOP nomination. He's a hardcore Paultard but has learned to smooth over his father's rough edges to sound more like a conventional wingnut. 

Dr. Ron's ideologically crazed followers may not like it (and neither do I as someone who wished the GOP ill) but if he runs as a third party candidate I will eat my least favorite veggie: Cauliflower. I suspect he won't endorse Romney to retain his purity even though he does like vulture capitalism. But he likes the Crown Prince more.

Caption This: New Hampshire Primary Edition

MATT ROURKE/ASSOCIATED PRESS

Sunday Morning Video: Leaving Louisiana In The Broad Daylight

Rodney Crowell, Say no more:

 

Of course, Emmylou Harris was the first to record Rodney's song so I guess we should say a bit more:

 

 

 

Saturday Night Music: Louisiana Man

The second act of our little BCS drama features the great rocker, Dave Edmunds:

 

Ouch

It appears that highly touted football recruit Landon Collins and his mama have communications issues:

 

Friday Night Music: Alabama Getaway

Let's kick off the BCS weekend with the good old Grateful Dead who, characteristically, spend the first 2 minutes tuning:

 

NOLA Notes: Twelfth Night Edition

 

A boozy epiphany: It's the first day of the Carnival season, which will be mercifully shorter than 2011. There's a new Carnival related product out that I am NOT eager to sample:King Cake Vodka. Sounds totally vomitorious to me since I don't care for either vodka or sweet likker. It has come to my attention that unlike a *real* King Cake there will not be a plastic baby inside the bottle. If someone offers me a shot of this shit, I'll try it but until then I'll rely on NOLA food writer, Todd Price's tweets.

ESPN meets Andrew Jackson: Unless you're a sports hater or live in cave, you probably know that the BCS national championship game between local faves the LSU Tigers and their arch-nemesis the Alabama Crimson Tide is taking place at the Superdome next Monday. You may not, however, be aware that ESPN has erected a stage in Jackson Square right across from my shop to broadcast College GameDay. The stage was built in time for the Sugar Bowl. I have to give ESPN credit, it's the least hostile takeover of the Square ever. So far so good. Haven't seen Lee Fucking Corso yet but I'm working...

As to the game itself, I think this Tiger team is too loose to lose. Les Miles may not be an intellectual titan but he doesn't have a permanent stick up his ass like Nick Saban. Some call Saban intense, I call him uptight. I call the game LSU 24 Alabama 21. 

The Saints are playing the Detroit Lions tomorrow and are likely to devour them. Drew Brees has been on a tear and the offensive unit is even better than in 2009 when the Saints went on to win the Super Bowl. We appear to be on a collision course with the Packers, which means that it will be family sports feud time here at First Draft. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the weather in Green Bay won't be too beastly. The record of warm weather teams playing outdoors in the frozen North is not good so I won't shed any tears if the Pack are upset in their game. Sorry, Athenae, Doc and Scout. I'm not sure where Jude stands since he's originally from Biloxi but I can take the heat. I do, after all, live in New Orleans...

Geaux Saints. Geaux Tigers. Time for me to, uh, go.

  

Friday Guest Catblogging: Whitey Revisited

Dr. A has returned to her Jazzercise regimen so she's again snapping pix of Whitey the cat. I decided to do another guest kitty because Della's ego is exploding because of her status as an internet icon and Oscar is secure in his awesomeness:

 

Deep GOP Candidates Thought

Sorry I've been absent so much. Teacher gave me an excuse so I'm covered.

I don't know about you but I'm glad we've got the True Newt back. His Mr. Nice Guy pose was preposterous. Besides, Mitt Landslide deserves to be called a liar even if he *is* a smooth one.

Finally, since Senator Man Dog Sex is against *all* forms of contraception, I have a new moniker for him: Rick (No Rubbers) Santorum. He acts like he's running for Pope or something...

Sunday Morning Video: Amateur- Aimee Mann

I don't much care for New Year's Eve. I'm inclined to agree with the wizened aphorism that it's for amateurs. So, Happy Fucking New Year, y'all:

 

Friday Guest Catblogging: Tortilicious

This magnificent kitty mouth and set of teeth belong to Sassy who is allegedly my old friend Susan Caldwell's daughter Delia's cat. I say allegedly because Sassy the torti lives with Susan who took this awesomely toothsome picture:

Thursday Night Music: Blue Jay Way

December is a very foggy month in New Orleans. This year has been no exception. When I think fog, I think Candlestick Park, 221-B Baker Street and George Harrison's marvelous tune, Blue Jay Way:

 

Tweet of the day: Comedy Icon Edition

It comes from the great Albert Brooks who was born Albert Einstein and also has distinctive hair:

As a man ages watching the ball drop on New Years takes on a whole different meaning.

Brooks has been in a bit of a career slump as a writer-director but his Real Life, Modern Romance, Lost In America, Defending Your Life and Mother are classics.

Here's a clip featuring Albert and Debbie Reynolds as the title character in Mother. Dr A and I call this the "protective ice" scene.

 

Quote of the day

It comes from actor Daniel Craig who clearly spent some time around Tony Blair:

“Politicians are shitheads. That’s how they become politicians, even the good ones. We’re actors, we’re artists, we’re very nice to each other. They’ll turn around and stab you in the fucking back.”

Sunday Morning Video: Magic Christmas Tree- Rifftrax

Here are MST3K alums Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett riffing on a truly incomprehensible flick:

 

Friday Catblogging: Oscar believes in Santa Claus

Or is that Santa blankets?

Thursday Night Music: Fairytale Of New York

For many good reasons, I've been a Grinch/Scrooge this year. But even in my Bah Humbuggery mood, I can still enjoy the Pogues and Kirsty MacColl. Dig Shane MacGowan's diction. Oops, wrong Mac:

 

Newt Gingrich meets Raylan Givens

Newt Gingrich has said a lot of stupidly outrageous things over the years but his "round up activist judges" rant is a new low. So much for separation of powers. It's only aimed at librull judges but could apply to several wingnut Supremes: come on down, Justices Scalia. Thomas and Alito.

If the Gingrich plan is ever implemented, there's a US Marshall who would be perfect other than the fact that he's fictional, sort of like Newt's whole idiotic scheme. That would be, of course, Raylan Givens of teevee's Justfied. The only flaw with *my* plan is that Raylan is apt to shoot first and ask questions later.